Yogi: Every time I sit on the cushion, I get very tense. I think there are a lot of wanting and forcing; and it gets stronger by the day.
Sayadaw: I suggest that you keep your eyes open.
Don’t close your eyes because when you close your eyes, the mind will have the idea that you’re trying to meditate.
Yogi: Every time I sit on the cushion, I get very tense. I think there are a lot of wanting and forcing; and they get stronger by the day.
Sayadaw: If you continue like this, it’ll become a bad habit. You need to break the habit and have a different pattern.
When you sit, don’t think that you’re going to meditate. Sit informally and relaxingly, not in a meditation posture.
Don’t sit in a way that reminds you that you’re meditating; sit in a way that you’re not there to meditate, like you’re just killing some time.
If you sit in a posture you usually sit to meditate, the entire idea of what meditation means comes back and you’ll have the same attitude, feelings and tension. You want to break out of that.
You could also lean against a wall and simply check in on yourself what is the mind thinking and feeling. That’s all you have to check.
Yogi: In daily life, we’re busy most of the time. If we’re aware, we can’t do much else.
Sayadaw: Whether you’re talking or doing anything, with awareness present, your quality of mind is very different.
When you’re aware of what you’re doing, your quality of mind improves; and consequently, the quality of what you’re doing becomes better and better.
If there is no awareness, the mind is deluded and any defilement can come in; for example, you can immediately get angry without awareness.
If you’re aware, you know that the mind is angry, and there is some space before responding. Then, the mind can decide to talk or hold back.
Every time our mental, verbal and physical actions are guided by awareness and wisdom, the mind is secure.
Yogi: A lot of judging and disliking arise whenever I meet people. How can I be aware of that?
Sayadaw: It’s just practice – if you keep setting up an intention to be aware, it’ll come.
Right now, you might know later and that’s fine. When you know is when you start; and then, it’ll get earlier and earlier.
We’re so skillful at being mindful of the body and not so skillful at noticing what’s happening in the mind; and that’s why we notice the mind later.
It doesn’t matter – if we know later, we start then, and as we continue to practice it’ll get earlier and earlier.
We need to learn all the skills that are available to us, and that is the skill of being able to be aware of any of the 6 senses that we have. Not just feeling or thoughts, but also seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling and touching.
We cannot be versatile in practicing the dhamma by just knowing one object.
Yogi: Can I take time to switch from being aware of walking to seeing and looking so that the awareness is maintained?
Sayadaw: Yes, you can even stop walking; take it slowly and practice at your own pace.
I get it that the yogi is not asking about walking slowly but taking time to be aware of seeing and also be aware of walking.
Usually, whatever we do, our attention is outside. Mindfulness is the opposite – we have to bring it back into ourselves, into this body and this mind.
It’s a new habit of doing the same thing but with the attention inside the body while we’re doing what is outside and not giving too much attention to what is outside.
It’s like a taste of it in the retreat – you walk and you’re aware; you can do two things – you’re walking and you’re aware you’re walking. You’re eating and you’re aware you’re eating; and later on, you’re talking and you’re aware you’re talking.
This is to get a taste of how to stay inside while doing what we normally do.
Yogi: How can I remember to be more aware? I have been struggling to remember.
Sayadaw: There is no need to try to make the awareness more continuous. It is more about practicing consistently.
In the beginning, nobody’s awareness is continuous. Everybody repeatedly forgets to be aware and then remembers again.
If you just keep doing that every day – you do as much as you can when you become aware – over the days, you’ll find that the moments you’re aware become more and more. Don’t mind the times you forget.
Yogi: I have trouble maintaining continuity of awareness when I do something like scrubbing the pot hard.
Sayadaw: When we pay too much attention to the outside, like to what we’re doing, that’s when we lose the mindfulness. If you’re scrubbing a pot and you’re looking too much at how the pot is, it is easier to lose mindfulness.
Using too much energy also refers to how we do something. When we use too much energy to do the activity, it also causes us to lose mindfulness.
If we remember to use some of our energy to always bring attention back to ourselves, we’ll still notice the details we want to notice and do it effectively.
If you’re holding the pot and scrubbing, if your attention can be on the holding, the movement and your feelings, you’ll still notice if the pot is getting scrubbed clean or not and adjust accordingly, and have enough mindfulness at the same time.
When we do something, we always think a little too much about what we’re doing, more than is necessary; and that’s why we lose mindfulness.
Next time you scrub pots, start by just scrubbing the pot and then ask yourself: What do I know? Then, you’ll notice all the things popping up and stay with that.
Yogi: Nowadays, when you’re aware, what is your attitude?
Sayadaw: Because the mind already understands the benefit of being mindful, my mind is content just to be mindful even if it’s nothing special.
There is a lot of confidence in mindfulness itself as a vehicle to something greater and it doesn’t matter what it is and when it’ll come.
Because I have experienced it so many times and I’m sure about it, as a result, I can settle into being mindful.
Yogi: Is there anything personal in the mind?
Sayadaw: Everything that happens in the mind is its own process. If we want, we can make it ‘mine’, and that would be a concept.
Conceptually, we can bring in the illusion of ownership or a self and believe that it is mine. We can do that; that is what the mind is actually always doing. We can consider it ‘mine’, but that is another process at work in the mind.
None of it is actually ‘me’.
When we share merits with other beings, what they receive is not our good kamma because in every being’s stream of consciousness, they have a potential store of wholesome and unwholesome effects that can take place.
When they hear and they can rejoice, that wholesome mind opens the door for their wholesome kamma to enter their stream of consciousness.
They’re not getting our good kamma; they’re allowing their good kamma to come through only if they can feel the gratitude or happiness that someone is trying to share.
It’s like you’re full and you wish another person ‘I hope that you’re not hungry’, it doesn’t make them not hungry. But if they can feed themselves – in this case feed themselves with wholesome thoughts – then, that fulfills their good kamma.
When things become okay in life, it is not because the situations have started changing to suit our mood or desires – that is not what happens.
Life still does what it does, but the way we relate to life has changed, the way we view life has changed, the way we believe life should be has changed.
This mind has become okay with the way life is; that is what has become okay.
Yogi: Is everything that appears in the mind impermanent? And is the knowing itself impermanent?
Sayadaw: It’s clear that it is impermanent – that is why we keep losing our mindfulness. We cannot be continuously mindful all the time, right?
When the mindfulness gains momentum, and when it starts to feel like the mindfulness is doing its own work, it can really feel like the flow of mindfulness is not impermanent, but that it is always there.
We don’t try to be mindful, but we keep knowing things. When the mindfulness is that continuous, bring the attention to the mindfulness itself.
We can see that although mindfulness continues on its own because of the momentum, it is also arising afresh every moment.
I was a very lazy yogi – I would lie down and meditate all the time – but when I discovered the benefits of meditation, then the mind became willing to meditate.
Wisdom, understanding the benefits of something, can also help the mind to release its unwholesome tendencies.