Yogi: I realize today that I don’t know how to forgive. I thought I have forgiven, but the stories came up again. I would like to know how forgiving works.
Sayadaw: There’s no need to try and forgive. Just see the process – there’s a trigger event and it brings up memories.
You thought that you’ve already forgiven, but just because those memories come up again doesn’t mean that you have not forgiven either. Not forgetting doesn’t mean that you have not forgiven.
There may be some residual anger when you think about it again because these memories come up afresh and the emotions might come again, but you see that as the cause and effect – this sort of event happens and the mind reacts in this way.
The main thing is not to think of this as you. It’s the mind and it has gone through a process – this happens and that happens because of this happening. The identification with it makes you feel worse.
When we see the mind, that’s great, but remember not to identify with it – when we identify with it, then more unwholesome stuff comes up. If you see it as a process, then it has nothing to do with you.