Yogi: Is aversion deep in the subconscious level?
Sayadaw: Yes, craving and aversion are very strong; they are already deeply rooted in your mind.
You need to practice a very long time so that the defilements in the subconscious level can slowly decrease.
You just recognize that this is happening – it is okay. Just recognize that the mind doesn’t want to meditate. Just continue knowing that this is happening.
The mind will change. It cannot continue to stay the same for a long time – mental states are always changing.
Just knowing what is happening, just noticing, is not very difficult. You already know, ‘Oh, the mind doesn’t want to meditate.’ Right? That’s good.
It’s very simple. If you try to push, then the mind becomes tense and suffering or agitation will arise.
Just know what is going on. Okay?
Yogi: I had a problem with my parents and get really angry with them.
Sayadaw: If you think of your mum, the story of your anger, you’re not watching your mind. Your mum is not the problem – you need to talk about anger, not your mum.
Why do you watch your anger? You see the anger and you watch the anger – what is it for?
You want to understand, or you want it to go away? If you want to understand, go ahead and watch.
There are many reasons why anger arises, right?
A meditator’s objective is to learn about the nature of the mind. Don’t forget this.
But yogis try to resist the defilement and make it go away. Because of the suffering nature of anger, they want it to go away. This is wrong attitude – we need to be interested in anger.
Whatever story, we are not interested in it; we’re interested in the anger nature.
When anger comes, the mind thinks about the storyline. If anger is still there, continue to watch anger. When there is totally no anger anymore, some positive idea will arise. This will happen naturally.
Just be interested in watching the anger. Who is anger? Anger is what?
Anger decreases when any understanding arises. There are many ways to understand anger and we cannot say what understanding will arise; we just need to be interested in anger.
Lobha has many characteristics, but basically, lobha is sticky, sticking to the object.
Lobha shows itself differently for different people. During eating, some eat very fast and some, very slow. Who is greedier?
Lobha is expressed in many ways – some like the taste, some like to eat, and some like to finish it. Eagerness is the expression of lobha.
Some eagerness shows as wanting to eat fast or to eat more; some like to eat slowly for a long time. But the basic nature is sticking to the object.
How do you know that this is lobha? You already know the characteristics, the nature of lobha, that’s why you can say that you have lobha.
If you understand that lobha is suffering, why is lobha still strong?
This is because there is not enough understanding. You need to learn more – again, again and again. If every time you notice lobha, you also notice there is a lot of suffering, then lobha gets less and less. So you need more learning, more practice.
Yogi: Because of memory, good and bad feelings arise.
Sayadaw: Emotions arise not because of memory. Sanna is sanna – memory is memory. Emotions arise because of wrong thought – when wrong view, wrong thought arises, feelings follow.
You cannot see the wrong thinking – it is too subtle for the mind. You think that emotions arise because of sanna. Sanna is not the problem – its duty is to try to remember everything – good or bad, it remembers and it shows back. That’s its job.
But emotions arise depending on what you’re thinking at the present moment.
Whatever has happened before, it remembers. Whenever this image arises again, the same idea comes back and then the emotion arises again. It’s so quick and fast that you don’t see the wrong thought, how it creates the emotion.
When the story happens, at that time you’re angry because of wrong thought already. The wrong thought still happens, that’s why anger still arises now.
But if there is right thought at the time the same memory arises, anger cannot come. If there is right idea when the story of the past arises, the emotion cannot arise.
Every time the memory arises, you think the same way and the emotion arises. And every time you think, the emotion becomes stronger and stronger. The thinking exaggerates the emotion. That’s why the emotion never ends.
You have to learn – when the memory comes and the emotion comes, watch the emotion first. When the emotion calms down, recall the memory and find out what the mind thinks of the story now. If the idea changes, then the problem is gone.
A lot of people have a problem with memories – they never forget their memories, both good and bad memories. Every time the memory comes, a lot of emotion follows.
Thinking is pushing you all the time because the idea of self is inside the thinking. You believe that thinking is me.
If you’re thinking, and you don’t know that thinking is the object, then the idea of self is very strong. If you notice that thinking is happening, the idea of self is weak.
You don’t know all the time that thinking is the object. Thinking is happening all the time; it’s pushing you all the time.
Thinking is something interesting just because thinking is happening. Thinking, whatever it is, thinking is happening. Thinking is impersonal.
Because of thinking, the world is happening; if there’s no thinking, the world disappears. That’s why the sankhara world is about thinking – happening, knowing, thinking is sankhara.
Thinking is very interesting. Without thinking, you cannot do anything – wholesome mind thinks; unwholesome mind also thinks.
Thinking is a type of mental function – thinking is not defilement; defilement is defilement. But when defilement happens, thinking is always there.
Yogi: Because of these 6 sense doors, I have fear, trauma, good feelings, bad feelings, etc.
Sayadaw: You should not try to get out of these defilements from the 6 sense doors. You should stay with the defilements. If you don’t understand your defilements, you can never escape from them. (Elsewhere: If the defilement objects disappear, how can the mind learn? The mind needs to experience the defilements again and again to learn.)
Now, you want to get out – it means that the mind rejects the experience. Because of anger, you can never escape. If you stay there and realize everything about it, then you can get out.
Now, you don’t know everything about the defilements, you cannot escape.
If awareness is present, you can see the idea of self. This is not a problem. First, you will see the idea of ‘self’ arising. If there is no self, you can also know clearly there is no idea of self.
Your responsibility is to recognize what is going on. If ‘I’ is there, you recognize the ‘I’ is there. Enough – there is no need to complain. If you resist the ‘I’, that’s also wrong attitude. If there’s a reaction, you watch the reaction first because you’ve already judged.
Wrong view is also a natural process – wrong view is just wrong view. If there’s wrong view, you need to know that there’s wrong view. When there’s right view, it becomes very clear that there’s right view.
If you want to watch your body and mind, right view is very important. Whatever happens is a natural process; don’t judge that it’s good or bad.
You must understand that defilement is also nature – it is a mental process. If you realize that, the mind becomes more free and relaxed. If you have wrong view, then the mind judges and resists the defilement.
If defilement comes, right view must also come so that the next mind is not defilement. If defilement comes and wrong view follows, then the next mind is defilement. It becomes double defilement.
When some thoughts arise, there are associated feelings. Pay more attention to the feelings. Feelings are more obvious – they have no meaning (doesn’t involve thinking). You stay with the feeling; don’t stay with the thoughts.
If you’re aware of the feeling, then you can know that there is a thought. That’s enough. When you notice that there’s a thought – that’s enough. It means that you’re already aware of the thought.
Sometimes you get lost when you look at the thought, right? So, just knowing that there is a thought, it’s enough. It means that awareness is already there. So, stay with the more obvious object – physical sensation or feeling.
Feelings and thoughts are more obvious when we’re aware of the mind. When you practice again and again, slowly the mind knows how to be aware of mental states – the mind.
It’s easier to get lost in thoughts; so, better to stay with the feelings. You can know the intensity of feelings – either strong or weak.
If moha is there, then thinking is wrong thinking. If you notice that it is moha thinking, don’t believe the thought.
If awareness is present, the mind is not involved with what the mind thinks; otherwise, when the mind thinks of something, the next mind follows the thought.
It’s only when we’re always practicing – at first we don’t notice but when we notice something like that, in your mind if you think: Oh, I wonder why? And when it happens again, you still don’t know why. But every time you’re curious: Why? Why? Why?
Eventually, the sub-conscious mind knows that it’s curious about this, and one time you have another experience with food – it’s like something happens and the sub-conscious mind will remember what’s happening in the mind at that time – what the mind is thinking, what it saw, what it felt, what it processed and how it thought.
Then it’ll see the whole picture – it comes with repeated practice.
What is the difference? Very different, right?
The mind already knows that it is different. But you don’t know what the difference is.
When you notice these things, be a bit curious about what is happening. Just look at it more carefully. At that time, don’t just recognize the experience is different and carry on.
When I was working, I was more aware of knowing the seeing. I asked: What is the mind knowing? The mind says: Seeing. Who is seeing? I’m seeing. Very obviously, I’m seeing. So, I continue to be aware of knowing the seeing: seeing, seeing, seeing. Then seeing changed: seeing is happening, not that I’m seeing.
In the beginning, wrong view is already there. Later, the wrong view disappears. The idea is very different.
When ‘I’ is not there, it is not normal view; the view has changed. That’s why we say it is different.
When awareness comes back, I tried to be aware of seeing. Then, who is seeing? I’m seeing and I’m hearing are already there. Okay. Then, I continued to be aware, aware, aware.
Then, for me it’s very easy for the view to change to seeing and hearing are just happening. Nobody is seeing or hearing. This understanding comes easily to me.
Your mind already knows that the view is very different. What is different? It’s not clear, right? You keep watching with curiosity. The next time the view is different, just ask with some curiosity: What’s the difference? That’s enough.
When the mind changes, the view immediately changes too.
When we close our eyes, the mind imagines a lot.
The eyes give one kind of information to the mind.
We have 6 sense doors, right? When we use all our 6 sense doors, the mind can collect 6 kinds of information, and then, the mind can think the right way.
If the mind receives any less information, that’s not enough for the mind to think the right way.
When we close our eyes, it goes into a world of imagination (daydreams) and thinking.
Yogi: I want to learn.
Sayadaw: Yes, if you want to learn, your awareness must be better.
Not now. Now, try to be aware. Learning is later.
Now try to be aware of the present moment – moment to moment. Bring awareness to the present moment; then the learning can come.
Wait for your awareness to become stronger.
Yogi: I feel good after switching to sitting on a chair.
Sayadaw: Good. Practice in a lazy way – don’t try too hard. If you try too hard, the mind becomes tense and there is more suffering.
It’s important to feel good when you meditate. Try only this first. You need to be more peaceful. That’s enough.
If you can, come here and help in the cleaning, it’s better because then you can stay more in the present. You can forget about the past and future and the mind is more free – that’s enough. If you try to learn (think), then your peacefulness is gone.
When craving comes, don’t follow what the craving wants. Just be aware, aware, aware first. Don’t follow the craving; if you follow, the mind becomes agitated.
Just recognize that craving is there and – do what you need to do – come back to being aware of your body sensation.