When we meditate, we never think of meditation as if I did it this way, then maybe I could get it that way.
That’s not how we meditate. Meditation is just open, like what do I know. Whatever happens happens. And, none of it should be like this or should be like that.
Yogi: I give myself a task to see if it is possible to feel, see and hear at the same time. Is it?
Sayadaw: Of course.
Yogi: I can’t.
Sayadaw: At first, you will experience the switching; it’s fine because the awareness is not so fast at the start of the retreat.
Yogi: The training keeps me awake.
Sayadaw: That’s the most important thing – that the mind has a task. If it’s working, then it’ll be awake; if it no longer has a task, it gets dull.
Meditation is mind work; so, the mind has to have something to work on.
What can the mind do? It can pay attention or think about what it is doing. If we know how to think, it will help us to observe.
Whatever I say is just to help us to think or it may lead to other things that are helpful to us, like now you’ve found a task that is interesting.
Sometimes we hear other people’s experiences and we think that it’s interesting – we have something similar and we go and investigate. That keeps us awake and aware.
Yogi: The sit was good until many thoughts arose. I told myself that they were just the work of the mind and the mind became calm. Then, there was nothing happening except for the breath.
Sayadaw: When it becomes quiet, check which is the object and which is the awareness. Can you see?
They are different and you can see in every experience – when you watch your breath, do you know that breath is the object, and do you know the awareness? When you watch sensation, do you know that sensation is the object and do you know the awareness?
When you know the thoughts, do you know the awareness?
Yogi: I’m simulating practice in daily life – I notice that I’m late in seeing thoughts and that does not help to prevent unwholesome thoughts and actions. And, that’s not useful in daily life.
Can we really be aware of thoughts as they occur? That can prevent unwholesome actions.
Sayadaw: It is possible for the mind to be aware of thinking or whatever else it is doing. For example, you can be aware while walking; and that is simultaneous. So, it is the same with thinking because thinking is another object.
The error in assumption is if you will know what is happening, you can prevent what is happening. That is not the point of being aware.
The point of being aware is to know. The only thing that can prevent the unwholesome or encourage the wholesome is wisdom; and that comes from practice and realization. And that takes time.
Always remember that when the meditation doesn’t seem to be working – like when it’s foggy or not working the way it should, just stop.
When business is not good, we should stop and regroup to figure out what is wrong with the business.
When it’s fine, yes, we can just go with the flow, but when something is off, we shouldn’t just keep trying.
We stop for a while and check what is in the mind – how and why is the mind trying to do this, and generally you’ll see the greed.
Probably what’s more subtle is to notice that when things are going well, it’s much harder to detect the greed and attachment to keeping it the way it is. Although we’re helpless to doing anything about it except watch, try to notice that because when greed comes in and the next day if things don’t come our way, then it’s aversion that arises to cause the cloudiness, difficulty and all that.
Yogi: When I do standing meditation, I can’t feel the aversion, but I know that I want to walk away.
Sayadaw: You know that you want to walk away – watch that feeling.
You can’t see aversion clearly; it’s fine. You don’t have to look for something that is not there – what’s there is the feeling of wanting to walk away, and you watch that.
Yogi: How can I be aware of my thoughts as they happen?
Sayadaw: Right now when we are trying to practice, when we have to intentionally think, it is hard to be mindful because we also have to intend to be mindful.
It’s hard for the mind to do consciously when there are two intentions at the same time. But when you have been intentionally mindful for a long time, when the mind has some understanding of the nature of the awareness, the nature of thinking, the nature of knowing the object, then you can try to think of something and you’ll know that there is thinking, not because you’re trying to be aware, but because the awareness has become familiar with what thinking is.
So you just need to practice to be mindful continuously.
Yogi: I was aware of sound and bodily sensations and tried to be aware of the awareness of sound and sensations. But it was too late and stressful.
Sayadaw: Don’t try to be aware of the awareness. In this instance, it is clear that the awareness is present. Just know the distinction between the object and the awareness, that you’re clear there is awareness.
Rather than try to know the awareness, point to it with the question: Do I know that I’m aware? If there’s a sense that awareness is present, that’s enough. Don’t try to focus or lock in on it.
Usually, we don’t look at reality; we understand reality.
We can’t focus on the mind like we focus on the external objects.
You can know the mind by its activity, movement and intention.
You can know what passes by, but to focus on it like you would on your leg, you will over focus and it will feel out of sync.
The mind is subtle and always shifting and you can’t grip it.
Yogi: So much is going on in daily activities – I have to concentrate on chopping the vegetables and I have to concentrate on being aware. I have so many sensations and thoughts and my mind is so busy and complex. Sometimes I’m aware and sometimes not.
Do I have to be aware of everything?
My meditation appears better in formal practice than in daily activities.
Sayadaw: Mindfulness doesn’t have to be good – you just have to try to be mindful.
When you lose it, you come back – you lose it, you come back. That’s all that is needed.
If we keep practicing, the way mindfulness feels changes just because we keep trying.
Don’t expect it to be like sitting. In sitting, it’s quiet and it seems like it is better mindfulness. That’s just an illusion; it only seems like it is better.
Yogi: Often I’m too late recognizing what is happening – I want to know the thoughts that send me to doing something. When I realize it, I’m already there drinking tea.
Sayadaw: Now you’re aware – start now. You’re aware that you’re drinking tea.
It’s not late; you’re just aware now.
Sayadaw: I notice that you do things fast.
If we do something quickly, it can quickly agitate the mind because of the energy we put in to be quick.
When we are relaxed and we have to react to something, we can even see just how much energy is needed to respond.
Yogi: Sometimes I do, and I tell myself there is no need and it is better to be slow and steady as in a marathon.
Sayadaw: Yes, and there’s no competition because you’re the only one running.
Yogi: I was sick and there were pain, aversion and I was not sure what to do. It felt like the whole experience was painted by aversion.
Sayadaw: In this case, you’re aware of the aversion and all that; it is not overwhelming you. It doesn’t sound like you’re struggling with it so much, just that you’re aware of it.
In that case, it is actually more useful to be knowing the aversion because we can learn something about aversion. We need to watch aversion many, many times to learn about it.
It is useful to be able to be with it. It is not getting worse or overwhelming you; so, you can stay with it.
If you find any time that aversion is getting worse, it means that you’re not handling it and you need to go to a neutral object. But when you’re handling it, you’re just being mindful and then it is okay.
Yogi: When the calmness turns dull, what should I do?
Sayadaw: You have to think and reflect on your experience. What have I been taught about the theory behind this experience?
The theory is there are awareness and the object; now, in my current experience, do I know the object? And, do I know the awareness? Do the awareness and object stay the same?
If you know it theoretically, do you see it experientially? How many objects do I know?
What might I learn from this current experience? There are awareness and calm, and it is getting dull – what can I learn from this?
Or, why has the mind become dull? It can be any question to activate the mind.
You need to think about your experience and that’s how you investigate.
Yogi: I’m struggling with different minds – there’s a mind that is observing and there’s another mind that is thinking. I know that it cannot be true because only 1 mind can happen at a time.
Sayadaw:: There’s the theory and there’s the practical. The theory that the mind arises one at a time, only the Buddha can know that.
For us, we experience the mind like a river; and the river is made up of many drops of water. Can you see one drop of water at a time? No.
When we experience the mind, it is like a river. We see many minds at the same time; it feels like that, and that’s correct for us. We cannot experience one mind at a time.
We experience a few things happening at the same time.
Yogi: I have a lot of bad judgment and comparing mind. I don’t like it and try to watch it. I tell myself that I should concentrate on positive things.
What else can I do?
Sayadaw: The good thing is that you’re aware of all this. That is the positive.
All the things that are happening in the mind, they are not important at all. The profit is that you’re aware of everything.
It is right view to know something as it is. You remember that you should be positive? So, remember this positive – that it is good that there’s mindfulness.
It is positive to be mindful of whatever is happening, however ugly.
Yogi: Even if it doesn’t change anything?
Sayadaw: There is no need to change anything. Meditation is not to fix anything; meditation is to know everything.
That knowing is wholesome; it has wisdom that can grow in it.
Yogi: But do I have to live with this?
Sayadaw: You’re supposed to live with the knowing mind. This knowing mind is what will transform your life.
The knowing has to happen a lot because the more this knowing mind knows, the more it will know the good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly, the pleasant, and the unpleasant, the more it’ll understand, the more change it’ll see.