If it helps you to be mindful to slow down when you are walking outside, you can slow down enough to be mindful, but don’t become a zombie.
The most important thing is to be mindful.
Yogi: When my mind is quiet and thoughts arise, sometimes I feel them coming, just the energy that a thought is manifesting.
Sometimes, it unfolds and sometimes when I’m not mindful, it develops into a story which takes me away from mindfulness. And if I’m not careful, the story comes back again and again.
When I see and look at a tree and I’m not mindful, I think that the tree transforms and I transform and I feel that it’s a different level of seeing.
Sayadaw: About the thoughts, you see the intention to think, the energy that you see is the intention or desire to think. And sometimes when we’re aware of it, the thought can fade and sometimes it can manifest. And, yes, if you’re not mindful, you can get lost in thought.
When you see, you should notice the sight, not the tree. The tree is not the seeing; the seeing is only your ability to see. The things you see are what we think about and that’s concept.
Yogi: I have trouble with energy and effort because in my practice they come from the ‘self’ view.
You say to let go of the ‘self’ practicing view, but the more I let go of that, the less energy I have because my interest in something comes from the sense of self, like ‘I’m interested in something ‘.
Sayadaw: Don’t try to let go of the ‘I’. First, whatever you’re observing, know that this is nature – just view it from that angle.
Second, you can clearly see the sense of ‘I’, right? You can watch that too and know that’s also a kind of nature.
You can notice the sense of self, that’s nature; you can notice the effort the mind puts in, that’s nature; you can notice the tension, that’s nature.
So, just know what is happening in your experience and think of it as this is the nature of what is happening, but don’t try to release the sense of self.
I understand we all think that all of the things we do is ‘me’ – the effort is mine, the awareness is mine, the tension is mine, the interest is mine and everything is mine. So, of course, when we try to let go of the mine, everything drops out of that hand. So, there’s no need to do that.
Yogi: I’m often challenged with right view in my job, especially when supervising people and telling them ‘I want you to do this and that and you do what I say’. Isn’t the ‘I’ wrong view?
Sayadaw: Everything that this mind knows, we consider it to be ‘me’, but in fact, it’s just those minds at work.
We use the word ‘I’ in daily life to refer to almost everything that comes up in this mind and what it wants to manifest, but we need to recognize that the ‘I’ is only a mask for the quality that is being expressed at that time and understand which quality it is, whether it’s a wholesome or unwholesome quality.
It is important to check what is the mind referring to when we refer to ourselves and use the word ‘I’ like ‘I need to do something’ or ‘I want to go somewhere’?
Is it greed that needs to go or is it necessity that needs to go? What is it that is manifesting; that’s what we need to check.
When we say ‘I’m meditating’, are they effort and awareness at work? We need to check the components other than get lost in the ‘I’.
Yogi: There were many objects and thoughts at the same time and they were a barrier to go deeper and see where they were coming from. And I asked myself how to let go of these thoughts.
Sayadaw: You don’t have to worry about seeing more behind the thoughts. When we practice more continuously every day like today, you see another layer.
We just have to be mindful more continuously and seeing more will happen by itself.
We don’t see more because we try to see more; we see more when the mind is more able to.
Sayadaw: At home when I had depression and I kept being mindful for 6 months or a year, there was momentum and insights started arising.
One day I walked home mindfully from work and was taking a shower. When I smelled the soap, I had this insight that this was the nature of this process; that smell only happens through this sense door.
It was so incredible for me to have this insight, not at an intellectual level but at an experiential level.
This got me curious – I wanted to know more and just kept being mindful because the more mindful I could be, the more I would discover. That was a huge motivation to practice and carried me for 2 ½ years before I became a monk.
Yogi: Today, there is stronger feeling of aversion and I want to look at it, but there is a barrier. There is something which hides it and I cannot look at it.
Sayadaw: Just recognize its presence without wanting to see it more clearly. You are probably trying too hard to see it in a certain way and that is not necessary – you already know it. That’s enough.
You already see it; so, don’t try to look at it.
Yogi: The difficulty is not that there is no structure in this retreat, but that it includes other activities – walking outside, talking, reading or drinking tea. These daily activities are often excluded in an intensive retreat.
Sayadaw: When our activities are limited externally in a retreat, it feels more peaceful and when we have more activities, when there are more choices, it feels like there is more busy-ness in life. But that is what life is like.
With the purpose of training the mind to be mindful at home, we practice that here at the retreat – not training to be peaceful but to be mindful.
Yogi: With my family and at the workplace, there are often situations that are not wholesome or when I don’t feel good with – at what point should I stop looking at the aversion and go into action and do something about it and not just look at the aversion?
Sayadaw: At first, you try to avoid the object and watch your mental pain and see when there is no mental pain if you can deal with that object and whether it changes the way you deal with the object and see if it is effective. It is a learning process, always taking yourself away to deal with your own mental pain first so that you can better deal with your family and workplace issues.
The sooner we can deal with mental pain like if we notice it initially and start working on it immediately, it can relieve it faster. If we deal with it later, it takes much longer.
Yogi: When I was in a good state – feeling very peaceful, still and happy – I realized that the mind was thinking it was very good and that greed was digging in, but I just didn’t care.
Sayadaw: At that time, you have to watch the liking. There will be some agitation that comes with the liking and you must watch that.
We will keep facing these tests until we figure out how not to get caught, how to remain steady about just practicing and not get caught up in the magic of the experience and rely on the awareness and keep doing the awareness rather than get hypnotized by the experience.
Yogi: My mindfulness is okay during the day, but after I wake up, the built-up mindfulness during the day is gone; I feel like I have been out in the city all night and I need to start from the beginning every morning. What can I do about it?
Sayadaw: Try to stay mindful when you get into bed and let yourself fall asleep mindfully and see if it makes a difference.
When you wake up, don’t think of how you wake up as a problem. Take it as this is how it is now and take it from there. Don’t think that you’re starting from zero.
Yogi: When the mind turns calm, nothing happens. I just check my breathing and the body.
Sayadaw: When the mind becomes quiet, check which is the object and which is the awareness. Can you see?
They are different – when you watch the breath, you know the breath as the object, but do you know the awareness? When you watch the other sensations, you know the sensations are the objects, do you know the awareness? So, check all these.
And also when there are thoughts, do you know the thoughts and do you know the awareness?
We observe the objects, we observe the awareness and we still feel like ‘I know all these, I know my awareness’. The sense of ‘I’m aware’ is the hardest thing to lose.
You have to realize something to know that there’s only the awareness.
Yogi: Mindfulness hinders me from doing what I have to do.
Sayadaw: Yes, it feels like that in the beginning when we’re trying to be mindful – there is a lot of personal me trying to be aware.
We’re waiting for spontaneous awareness to come in where we try so much to be mindful at other times, not when you’re in a hurry, when you have time and you try so much to be mindful, eventually that translates by itself and it comes back to you. That is what will come.
There is a limitation to the mindfulness that we practice – when you’re in a hurry, you can’t use that when you try to be mindful because you almost can’t do your job. So, then it is not helpful.
It is only limited if we don’t do it enough when we’re free. When we’re free and we do enough mindfulness, it’s a doorway to a spontaneous mindfulness that works by itself when we’re not trying.
When we’re very busy, there’s an awareness of yourself that you don’t have to try to put in and that’s what you’re waiting to come.
But that only comes when you do the applied awareness at the other times when you’re not busy.
We can ask ourselves what difference it makes to be mindful. It doesn’t take a long time – you can even find out what difference it makes to the mind in a minute.
If you tell yourself you’ll be mindful for a minute – just watch yourself before you start to be mindful and then just fully be mindful for a minute – and then stop and check what is the mind like now, you can see the difference.
Tasting that difference, you really see for yourselves that there is something to be mindful even if it is for a while. When we can experience for ourselves the benefit this work that we’re doing makes to the mind, then this mind becomes more interested even when we feel like nothing is happening in the moment.
We have to experience it ourselves by doing it.