Yogi: Today, there is stronger feeling of aversion and I want to look at it, but there is a barrier. There is something which hides it and I cannot look at it.
Sayadaw: Just recognize its presence without wanting to see it more clearly. You are probably trying too hard to see it in a certain way and that is not necessary – you already know it. That’s enough.
You already see it; so, don’t try to look at it.
Yogi: The mind is very interested in what is happening inside, but I experience a lot of restlessness. It becomes difficult to know the knowing of the process because it is not as clear as the body. Sometimes, I feel that I over focus on the mental processes and I don’t know how to make them lighter.
There is a wish to solve it like solving problems. How can I help myself when it gets too entangled?
Sayadaw: You just need to change your attitude – you probably want too much to know what is going on in the mind. That is why it feels restless although you know your mind.
It’s good that you recognize that you’re probably over focusing; too intent on knowing what is in the mind. It is very good when the yogi can recognize how much energy the mind is putting into what it is doing.
Knowing that it is too much helps you to recognize that you need to back off. So, you can now learn to adjust.
Whenever we’re restless, always check the attitude and usually you’ll find that the mind is wanting something.
Is the mind simple and relaxed, or is the mind trying too much?
We always resist things that are unpleasant, but as we watch the resistance and aversion to the unpleasant, you will sometimes find moments when the resistance is not there although the unpleasant is still there, then you see a different view.
It is not unusual – many yogis recognize surprisingly that sometimes what is happening is unpleasant but the observing is okay.
When the attitude is right, the observing feels okay even though the experience is still unpleasant.
We don’t see more because we try to see more; we see more when the mind becomes more able to.
If we want the mindfulness to be sharp, to be able to understand and see more, we just have to be mindful consistently – and persistence and time will bring in those things.
Sayadaw: The experiences from our practice are the way through which our mind learns to adjust. We have these sorts of experiences and sometimes the mind can have an insight about what is right effort or right object and know how to apply it.
It is good to reflect on how we’re practicing, how the mind is applying its effort and awareness and backing off sometimes, not trying to be aware but sitting back and checking to see how it is going.
Yogi: Does backing off also mean not to be too interested in the object that is arising?
Sayadaw: That’s right.
The mind complains because they don’t like the unpleasant feeling when they’re sick – they get upset when they can’t get the pleasant feeling. So, we need to be aware and notice that the feeling is good whenever the mind is feeling good.
Most people don’t notice this – they’re deluded and unconsciously the mind is enjoying. So, when people get sick, immediately the mind complains.
When we’re healthy and feeling good, we need to be aware of this, otherwise the mind is deluded each time the mind says ‘how nice and good’.
Yogi: I have the emotions at home, but they are not here with me at the retreat.
Sayadaw: When you go home, then watch them. This is the wrong place to practice on the emotions.
At home, it can feel more complicated. But when we can really practice at home, it can simplify things. Then we see the value of being.
Yogi: I was walking today and I asked: Is the seeing here? The seeing is like a big cloud around me.
Sayadaw: When you notice seeing, seeing becomes more obvious; it can feel like it is expanded. But don’t imagine more than that.
Just keep it real – like it is more obvious. Investigate at that time the seeing and the knowing of the seeing.
Come back to the awareness so that the mind won’t think and exaggerate the object.
Yogi: Yesterday, I thought I was mindful, but something was not right as everything was foggy and I couldn’t see.
That was the entire afternoon – and when I took a walk, I saw that there was just wanting and not awareness.
I figured out that I was not mindful at all during that period – although I knew that there was something, but the clarity was not there.
Sayadaw: You did try, that’s why you could tell later on. You can’t say that you weren’t mindful; it wasn’t ideal mindfulness, but there was mindfulness.
All you need is to try, not to have perfect mindfulness.
Sometimes it’s like that. We’re so busy trying to be mindful and we don’t see everything, but when you go for a walk, it rebalances and it gives you that clarity.
Sometimes when we try so hard, we forget to back up and see what is happening.
A lot of times when we’re in the Dhamma hall, there is this sense of striving and we try too hard. When we walk, we’re not over focused; we have balance and can see more clearly.
These very experiences are the way our mind learns how to adjust.
If it helps you to be mindful to slow down when you are walking outside, you can slow down enough to be mindful, but don’t become a zombie.
The most important thing is to be mindful.
Yogi: When my mind is quiet and thoughts arise, sometimes I feel them coming, just the energy that a thought is manifesting.
Sometimes, it unfolds and sometimes when I’m not mindful, it develops into a story which takes me away from mindfulness. And if I’m not careful, the story comes back again and again.
When I see and look at a tree and I’m not mindful, I think that the tree transforms and I transform and I feel that it’s a different level of seeing.
Sayadaw: About the thoughts, you see the intention to think, the energy that you see is the intention or desire to think. And sometimes when we’re aware of it, the thought can fade and sometimes it can manifest. And, yes, if you’re not mindful, you can get lost in thought.
When you see, you should notice the sight, not the tree. The tree is not the seeing; the seeing is only your ability to see. The things you see are what we think about and that’s concept.
Yogi: I have trouble with energy and effort because in my practice they come from the ‘self’ view.
You say to let go of the ‘self’ practicing view, but the more I let go of that, the less energy I have because my interest in something comes from the sense of self, like ‘I’m interested in something ‘.
Sayadaw: Don’t try to let go of the ‘I’. First, whatever you’re observing, know that this is nature – just view it from that angle.
Second, you can clearly see the sense of ‘I’, right? You can watch that too and know that’s also a kind of nature.
You can notice the sense of self, that’s nature; you can notice the effort the mind puts in, that’s nature; you can notice the tension, that’s nature.
So, just know what is happening in your experience and think of it as this is the nature of what is happening, but don’t try to release the sense of self.
I understand we all think that all of the things we do is ‘me’ – the effort is mine, the awareness is mine, the tension is mine, the interest is mine and everything is mine. So, of course, when we try to let go of the mine, everything drops out of that hand. So, there’s no need to do that.
Yogi: I’m often challenged with right view in my job, especially when supervising people and telling them ‘I want you to do this and that and you do what I say’. Isn’t the ‘I’ wrong view?
Sayadaw: Everything that this mind knows, we consider it to be ‘me’, but in fact, it’s just those minds at work.
We use the word ‘I’ in daily life to refer to almost everything that comes up in this mind and what it wants to manifest, but we need to recognize that the ‘I’ is only a mask for the quality that is being expressed at that time and understand which quality it is, whether it’s a wholesome or unwholesome quality.
It is important to check what is the mind referring to when we refer to ourselves and use the word ‘I’ like ‘I need to do something’ or ‘I want to go somewhere’?
Is it greed that needs to go or is it necessity that needs to go? What is it that is manifesting; that’s what we need to check.
When we say ‘I’m meditating’, are they effort and awareness at work? We need to check the components other than get lost in the ‘I’.
Yogi: There were many objects and thoughts at the same time and they were a barrier to go deeper and see where they were coming from. And I asked myself how to let go of these thoughts.
Sayadaw: You don’t have to worry about seeing more behind the thoughts. When we practice more continuously every day like today, you see another layer.
We just have to be mindful more continuously and seeing more will happen by itself.
We don’t see more because we try to see more; we see more when the mind is more able to.
Sayadaw: At home when I had depression and I kept being mindful for 6 months or a year, there was momentum and insights started arising.
One day I walked home mindfully from work and was taking a shower. When I smelled the soap, I had this insight that this was the nature of this process; that smell only happens through this sense door.
It was so incredible for me to have this insight, not at an intellectual level but at an experiential level.
This got me curious – I wanted to know more and just kept being mindful because the more mindful I could be, the more I would discover. That was a huge motivation to practice and carried me for 2 ½ years before I became a monk.