Sayadaw U Tejaniya

SORT OUT YOUR ANGER FIRST

Yogi: Some questions have been on my mind about people who are expressing wrong views about the practice. I was talking with a friend and became quite angry when I listened to his wrong views and his justifications of them. I knew that because I was angry and because I wanted to change his mind I had wrong views myself. I don’t know how to manage such a situation. I am convinced that his views are wrong and I know that I cannot change them, but I would also like to be able to speak to him wisely about it.

Sayadaw: It is not so important to correct his wrong views. Sort out your anger first! When you have no more anger, you can try to figure out how to help other people. How can we help other people with our defilements? Instead of helping them we might actually cause some harm.

DAILY LIFE

Yogi: Can you give us some advice on how to practise outside the retreat centre?

Sayadaw: How do you want to live in the world ‘out there’? If you really want to continue the practice, the mind will find a way. Only if there is a measure of true understanding of the value of the practice will the mind be prepared to make a consistent effort in daily life. No matter how many techniques you know, unless the mind has a true desire to practise in the world, you will not be able to apply any of them ‘out there’. A mind that has understood the benefits of the practice, will find time and skilful ways to apply what has been learned on retreat.

People who are really interested in the quality of their minds will watch that quality all the time. They will learn how to always keep that quality in the best possible state. If you can clearly see the vast difference between the quality of the mind when it is aware and the quality when it is not aware, you will automatically want to be aware more and more often. This is exactly why I often ask yogis whether they are aware of the quality of their mind, whether they can clearly see the difference between a mind that is aware and one that is not aware.

Yogi: Thank you, I believe this is very good advice. It is just so different from anything I have ever heard before. It will take some time to digest.

Sayadaw: I really want to encourage people to think for themselves. You have all been practising for some time, you have the basic tools. You need to understand the benefits of the practice so that the motivation to practise really comes from within. If your heart is not in it, you will never give your best; you will never fully develop your inner potential.

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Yogi: In my job I have to use a lot of effort in order to keep many details in mind and to get the tasks at hand finished in time. I usually experience a lot of tension and at the end of the day I am always very tired.

Sayadaw: Do you understand why you get tense when you work?

Yogi: I guess it is because I am using a lot of effort.

Sayadaw: Why are you using such a lot of effort? You need to find out why you are using so much energy to do your work.

Yogi: How do I find that out?

Sayadaw: Check the thoughts that your mind is harbouring. Look at the thoughts you have when you do your work, look at the views and ideas you are holding, and also notice the feelings you have when these thoughts come up.

You already understand that the effort is causing tension. You also need to recognize that it is because there is too much effort that there is tension. You are using more effort than you need.

Yogi: I have deadlines; I need to have things done by a certain time. I always feel that I need to get on with it. Then I always feel very tired and tense.

Sayadaw: You just explained why you are getting tense. The main reason why you are putting in so much energy is because you have anxiety.

Yogi: That’s true.

Sayadaw: Now you need to understand why you are anxious. Are you not skilful in what you are doing?

Yogi: Well, I guess I am. I always get things done.

Sayadaw: So whenever you get these feelings of anxiety, just recognize them. Ask yourself whether it is really necessary to feel anxiety. Is it necessary to have anxiety to finish a job?

Yogi: No, it isn’t.

Sayadaw: You need to acknowledge anxiety every time it comes up. Watching these feelings will help you understand something and this will allow your mind to let go. Remember that the purpose of vipassanā meditation is not to relieve you from what is happening but to help you understand what is happening.

When trying to deal with an emotion you can ask yourself four questions. First question: “When I am having this emotion, does it make my body and mind feel good or bad?” Does it feel pleasant or unpleasant? If you recognize the emotion every time it arises, and also recognize whether it feels pleasant or unpleasant in body and mind, the mind will start wondering whether it is worth having this emotion. Eventually your mind will realize that it does not have to live with this emotion. Once you know that something does not feel good, are you just going to keep indulging in it?

Yogi: I don’t think so.

Sayadaw: OK, the second question: “What is the emotion about, what is it directed towards?” The third question: “Why am I having this emotion?” The fourth question: “Is having this emotion necessary or unnecessary?”

These questions support the practice because they create interest and encourage us to use our intelligence. The moment we get a real answer, when the mind really sees something, it lets go. In your case, that would mean letting go of the anxiety you suffer.

If you watch and recognize the emotions of anxiety every time they come up, they will decrease. But as long as you haven’t really understood them, they will keep coming up again and again. You will have to watch them persistently and patiently until the mind really understands and can let go.

There are other questions you can ask yourself: “Who is angry?” “What is anger?” All these questions make the mind interested, awake, and alert. Your meditation becomes more interesting. Once you have the right understanding of how to practise vipassanā, you will never feel bored. You will always be trying to find out why things are happening. But don’t ask too many questions, don’t drive yourself crazy! Usually, one question at a time is enough. The purpose of asking questions is to keep you really interested in what is happening.

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Yogi: I am having a hard time to keep up the practice. I am in the middle of packing and moving and so I often forget.

Sayadaw: One of the main reasons why we forget, why we are not able to practise in daily life, is not what we are doing but the way we go about it. It is because we are eager to get things done, because we are in a hurry to finish the task at hand. In daily life we really need to watch our minds, we really need to keep checking what kind of mind state we are working with.

How can we learn to maintain awareness and samādhi (stability of mind) in daily life?

Yogi: I hope to be able to find a job which does not put me under so much pressure. But I believe the main thing is to continue practising as much as I can.

Sayadaw: Yes, when there is a lot of pressure, a lot of stress, practising becomes difficult. Try to learn from the difficulties at your workplace. What makes the mind agitated? Why do you lose mindfulness? Why does the mind become eager? Is it necessary to hurry? Investigating in this way will help you deal more skilfully with difficult situations and will prevent unwholesome mind states from taking over.

Yogi: OK, but how do I keep up mindfulness in a job that demands me to do things very quickly, where I need to be fast and efficient because I have a deadline?

Sayadaw: Just do as much as you can. Take and appreciate any opportunity to practise. While you are working, try to be aware of how you feel, of what kind of mind states you experience. But don’t try to focus, do it loosely, lightly. If you make too much of an effort to practise, you won’t be able to do your job properly. If you focus too much on the job, you won’t be able to be mindful. You need to find the right balance.

Yogi: OK, I’ll try. Do you have any specific advice on how to practise while talking? Most office jobs involve a lot of talking on the phone and we also constantly need to communicate with our fellow workers.

Sayadaw: That requires a lot of practice. Every time you talk to someone on the phone or when someone approaches you, try to remember to check how you are feeling. What do you think and feel about that person? Throughout the day, whether at work or not, make it a habit to always check what kind of emotional reaction you have every time you interact with another person. How do you feel when the phone rings? Is the mind eager to pick it up quickly? You need to notice these things.

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Yogi: In my work I often have to deal with very demanding and sometimes very angry and aggressive customers. I would appreciate any advice on how to deal with such situations.

Sayadaw: Every time you are confronted with an angry or demanding customer, check to see how your mind feels. Their greed and aversion is their problem, you need to see whether there is greed and aversion in your mind.

Yogi: The problem is that coming face to face with someone who has such strong mind states tends to automatically trigger the same mind states in me. The same goes when I meet great teachers; their calmness of mind immediately affects my mind.

Sayadaw: There is of course this mind-object relationship; i.e. when the object is positive the mind tends to react in a positive way and when it is negative it tends to react in a negative way. It takes practice in observing the mind to understand these processes. Through understanding, the mind gains a measure of stability and will no longer be so strongly affected by either negative or positive objects or experiences. As understanding matures, the mind becomes less and less reactive. It also realizes that every time it blindly reacts, it is not free. For these reasons, the mind will become more and more interested in what is going on ‘inside’ and will put in more effort to investigate.

Every time liking or disliking arises, the mind will not only be aware of it but it will also ask itself why liking or disliking arises. It will then realize that the object is not inherently positive or negative but that it is our judgement, our opinion that makes it so. Whenever the mind decides that a certain object, experience or person is not good, it reacts in a negative way, whenever it decides it is good, it reacts in a positive way. Once you can see these judgements you need to further investigate: Is this evaluation based on wisdom or on delusion? If it is delusion, the mind will react with greed or aversion, if it is wisdom, the mind will just see it as it is and there will be no reaction, no liking or disliking.

When through observing our anger we truly understand the suffering that it always causes us, it will become easy to feel compassion whenever we are confronted with an angry person. We know how they feel, we can easily empathize with them, and therefore we will not become angry anymore.

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Yogi: I experience a lot of anxiety around food and eating. I am trying to avoid eating certain things as well as to be aware as much as I can, but I find this very difficult because I quickly get tired of being mindful.

Sayadaw: You are getting tired because the motivation to be aware is anxiety and not wisdom. The mind remembers that in the past it suffered a lot because you were eating the wrong things and it does not want to suffer again. It is trying very hard to avoid making the same mistake and is therefore putting in too much effort.

Notice your state of mind when you suffer because you have eaten something that does not agree with you and also when you are trying to avoid suffering. How bad is the suffering after eating unsuitable food? What state of mind are you observing with? You need to bring awareness and wisdom into these situations.

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Yogi: I am talking about daily life. When there is aversion, when there are uncomfortable feelings, or when the mind is agitated, my reaction based on my training is to calm the mind and the body. You are saying don’t do that. You are telling us to turn awareness to the nature of the experience of aversion and agitation. Is that correct?

Sayadaw: The paying attention comes later. First you need to see whether you can accept that this anger or this identification with anger or aversion is not ‘you’. What views are you holding in regard to the experience? This right thought needs to come in first.

Yogi: So this whole idea of wholesome and unwholesome that I have heard a lot about includes practice. It is a little counter-productive to what you are saying because wholesome or unwholesome does not matter in what you are saying.

Sayadaw: I am not saying that it does not matter. The practice is to understand what a wholesome mind is and what an unwholesome mind is, to really know for yourself. Whose mind is the wholesome mind? Whose mind is the unwholesome mind? Is it your mind? Having the right thought about an experience is a wholesome mind, having the wrong thought about an experience is an unwholesome mind. You are going to look at this because you really want to know for yourself, because you want to understand nature as it is.

The purpose of calming the mind and the body is to enable you to observe. Applying the right thought, reminding yourself that ‘this is not me, this is the nature of this emotion’ calms the mind and the body too. You need a calm mind to observe. If you find that using this kind of right thinking does not work, that it does not help the mind to calm down, then use the method you already know. But afterwards don’t forget to use the calm mind to observe.

Why does a wholesome mind arise? Why does an unwholesome mind arise? What is this wholesome or unwholesome mind? Why does a wholesome mind increase, why does an unwholesome mind grow? Why does a wholesome mind decrease or fade away, why does an unwholesome mind fade away? This is your field of research.

THE HIDDEN KILESAS

Yogi: Sometimes I have to work with kilesas that are very deep and it really takes a lot of work to approach them with the right attitude. It seems that I have to learn it all over again.

Sayadaw: Yes, that is what you have to do. If your understanding was complete, you would not find this a problem anymore, but obviously there is still a lot to learn.

Yogi: When your practice develops and wisdom grows, is it natural that the hidden kilesas surface?

Sayadaw: Yes, you could say that what was unconscious becomes conscious.

Yogi: So when I become mindful of such kilesas, how do I investigate them?

Sayadaw: It is good to start from the understanding that the mind is just the mind. Ask yourself: “What is this defilement?”

Yogi: It is often not so easy to see that the mind is just the mind!

Sayadaw: That’s because your understanding is not complete. You need to remind yourself throughout the day that every mental activity is just the mind at work. Then, whenever a defilement comes, this understanding will also be there. When there is the understanding that the mind is just the mind, there is no identification.

How do you recognize defilements?

Yogi: There is tension, there is a feeling, and there are some thoughts.

Sayadaw: Again you can apply the same understanding. A feeling is just a feeling and a thought is just a thought. That is why in dhammānupassanā the hindrances just become objects; you see the hindrances as natural phenomena, you realize there is no ‘me’, no person involved.

Yogi: So they are no longer hindrances when they are seen in that way?

Sayadaw: Yes, that’s right, but only when that understanding is present.

Yogi: So if one is experiencing a kilesa as ‘mine’, what is the suggestion? Should we reflect on the fact that it is the mind, or bring our attention to the identification?

Sayadaw: Remind yourself that a feeling is just a feeling, that a thought is just a thought, that the mind is just the mind. Also recognize that there is identification but don’t try to do anything about it, simply recognize that it is happening.

Although the real understanding that this is just the mind, just a feeling, just a thought is not there at the moment, you want to bring in that understanding intellectually. You want the mind to tune into that mode. Think it through so you know why the mind accepts this intellectually, and then the mind will try to be aware of things in that way.

Yogi: OK, kind of shift the observation, the quality of the observation.

Sayadaw: That’s right. What you are always trying to adjust is the quality of observation. Whatever you are able to feel, whatever you already have, whether it is intellectual understanding or knowledge from your own experience, when you are able to feed that into the observing mind it will help you to see things more clearly.

This is why I always emphasize the importance of right information. You not only need to know whether you have the right information but also whether the mind is actually making use of the right information. Even if the mind does not actually understand or see things in that way, using the intellectual understanding decreases the moha that is usually present. If you don’t even bring in the intellectual understanding then there is just moha. There might be awareness but the awareness has no power. By bringing in wisdom, you give the mind a sense of direction. Once you have given the mind a sense of direction through this kind of input, the mind continues to apply this during meditation and at some point an understanding will arise.

Yogi: So we always need to observe the quality of the observation and also the relationship to the kilesas.

SUT: Yes, but that is happening together; once you know the quality of your observation, the understanding of the relationship of the observation to the object is already there.

Yogi: One of the difficulties for me has always been around energy in the body, in terms of it not being in balance, i.e. there is a lot of fluctuation in the energy. This seems to have quite an effect on the mind.

SUT: OK, let’s think of this as energy-sensations. If the mind has a lot of kilesas and it is feeling these sensations, what will it feel about them? If, on another occasion, the mind has a lot of wisdom, how will it then feel about these sensations?

Yogi: It will feel them very differently.

Sayadaw: So the sensations could be the same in each case but what the mind is holding at that time will influence the subsequent chain of mental reactions. If there is strong lobha in the mind, the sensations will be experienced as desirable, if there is dosa, the mind will experience them as repulsive.

Yogi: Yes, that’s me.

Sayadaw: When lobha and dosa decrease, understanding can increase. Yogis often forget the lobha and dosa that is present in their mind and is colouring everything. They keep trying to see things without realizing that everything is coloured by lobha or dosa.

SUBTLE DEFILEMENTS

Yogi: Is it always unwholesome to do things which you like?

Sayadaw: There are many different levels of unwholesomeness. In the beginning we need to look at the gross manifestations, we need to discriminate between what is wrong and what is right. But if you then take a closer look and trace an unwholesome impulse back to where it started, you will see that it comes from one of the subtle unwholesome habits that you have developed. With practice you will more and more easily see subtle manifestations of unwholesomeness and you will understand that all those little ones are problems too. They will eventually grow into big problems.

Once understanding becomes deeper, you will know that even the slightest unwholesome thought is dangerous. When your mind becomes very equanimous and you start seeing things just as they are, you will notice that even the tiniest defilement is a problem. But if you start enjoying this peaceful and clear state of mind, your ability to see things as they are will fade away and there will be no more new understandings. As your wisdom grows, you will more and more realize that even the most harmless looking desire is unwholesome and that it prevents you from seeing the truth.

Yogi: OK, what about eating something I like? I like chocolate, and there is nothing bad about that!

Sayadaw: It’s not about eating or not eating certain kinds of food. It’s about watching your mind. You can learn to eat without greed. You can change your attitude so that you no longer eat something because you like it but because it is food. Eat something because it is appropriate or because it is healthy and not because greed is pushing you. You need to be aware of your liking and disliking, and your decision what to eat or what not to eat should never be based on that.

Ask yourself why you like certain kinds of food or not and find out the practical reasons why you should eat them or not. Find out what kinds of food are best or most suitable for you. Under some circumstances you might also decide to eat something which you don’t really like and which you know is not particularly healthy because you know that eating it will make your host happy. Always make sure it is neither liking nor disliking but practical considerations which make you choose. Check your attitude before you choose! Don’t let the defilements make the choice, always choose with wisdom!

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Yogi: You advise us to accept things as they are so that we can see things as they are. Can you tell us more about how to actually do this?

Sayadaw: We need to look at our experience in a really simple and honest way. In the watching there should be no ideas at all about how things should be seen or experienced. We need to pay close attention to the way we observe the object. Even the most subtle kind of expectation or anxiety will distort the picture.

DEFILEMENTS ARE BURNING

Yogi: Lately I have been able to observe conceit more closely. Every time I am aware of its presence, I experience a strong feeling of disgust and also the thought ‘this is a waste of time and energy’ crosses my mind. As a result, the conceit disappears but then it comes up again at the next opportunity. Could you say something about this process?

Sayadaw: The mind can only completely drop a defilement when wisdom has fully understood it. If you have to deal with the same defilement again and again, there is not enough wisdom and you need to keep learning from the situations in which it manifests.

Yogi: What does it mean to fully understand?

Sayadaw: You cannot stop a defilement. But you can change your point of view, your relationship to the defilement. Once you have done this, the defilement no longer has the power to overwhelm you — but it will continue to come up. So all we can do is work with the defilements and learn from them. Full understanding and therefore complete eradication is only possible when we get enlightened.

Yogi: There is a defilement that comes up again and again in connection with a particular memory and I keep getting lost in it. Every time I become aware of this process, I can see the suffering in it but I cannot see why the memory keeps arising.

Sayadaw: What is it that keeps arising?

Yogi: A memory.

Sayadaw: Do you have the right view in regard to this memory?

Yogi: Well, sometimes I just get lost in the story, and sometimes I can see that it is just a memory.

Sayadaw: You need to keep practising the right view and clearly recognize any wrong views. Your object of awareness must be the mind, not the story. You need to cultivate a keen interest in the state of your mind.

Yogi: I have the impression that the defilements burn more now than they did many years ago. Why is that?

Sayadaw: Because now you are looking at the defilements directly and accept them as they are. In the past you repressed them with your samatha practice. When you have strong samādhi it is easier to bear things. But only when the mind understands just how much the kilesas burn will there be a real desire to get rid of them.

Yogi: Yes, I feel that is happening.

Sayadaw: We need to see kilesas as they are. How much suffering do they bring? How much do they torture and oppress us?

Yogi: It seems that the suffering increases.

Sayadaw: Good, that means you won’t get attached and therefore learn more quickly.

UNDERSTANDING IMPERMANENCE

Yogi: How can I learn to see impermanence?

Sayadaw: You don’t have to watch out for impermanence. When wisdom grows, wisdom will understand that things have this nature. Your responsibility is to remain aware, to be as continuously aware as you can. When the awareness becomes more continuous and stronger, wisdom will begin to understand the nature of things. Don’t try to understand those things; just try to be aware with the right attitude.

Yogi: So I just wait until wisdom comes in?

Sayadaw: Yes, your responsibility is to make the mind stronger. It is just like with seeing. If your eyes are not good, you may try as hard as you can to see better but it is all a waste of energy. Only if you put on your glasses, will you see clearly. Whatever can be seen is already there. But you have to wear wisdom glasses, not colourful glasses. If you wear red glasses, you will see everything red; if you wear blue ones, everything will be blue. That’s why the watching mind, the meditating mind, must be of the right nature. Only if it is without any greed or hatred can it see things as they are. If you want to see impermanence you are wearing red glasses. Because there is wanting, you cannot see things as they are; you cannot see and understand impermanence.

EFFORTLESS AWARENESS AND IMPERMANENCE

Yogi: You are saying that we can be aware of many objects without making an effort. I don’t understand how this works.

Sayadaw: As your awareness becomes more and more continuous, you will notice that there are as many minds as there are objects. After some time you will realize that this is just nature at work, that it has got nothing to do with ‘you’, that there are just mental and physical processes. As long as we do not understand that mind and object are just natural phenomena, we will believe that there is an ‘I’ who is observing.

Can you see something because you look at it, or can you look at something because you see? If you can only see because you are looking at something, greed is at work and there is wrong view.

What actually happens is that because seeing is happening naturally, you have the ability to look. This understanding is wisdom. A totally blind person cannot see and therefore will not even try to look. As long as we think that we can see things because ‘we’ are paying attention, our motivation is greed, and we do not understand this process.

The same principle applies when we look at signs of impermanence, things arising and passing away. Will something disappear because you are looking at it?

Yogi: No.

Sayadaw: If something disappeared because you were looking at it, it could not be a real manifestation of impermanence. It would also make you proud and happy: ‘I saw impermanence, I made something disappear.’ Reality is very different. Nature is impermanent; impermanence is part of the fabric of all phenomena. Only a mind that has been developed sufficiently will be able to really understand that all things are impermanent. Once you really understand impermanence, you will also understand dukkha and anatta.

I often hear yogis talk about seeing arising and passing away when they are on retreat. When they get back home, however, there is no more arising or passing away. At home things are suddenly very permanent again. A true understanding of impermanence is very different. It is a very deep knowing that everything ends.

Does impermanence only manifest when the leaf is falling off the tree, or is the leaf already impermanent when it is still part of the tree?

DEVELOPING RIGHT VIEW

Yogi: I can see my wrong views more and more often but I still need to keep making an effort to bring in right views. Why do right views not come spontaneously?

Sayadaw: There are different levels of right view. In the beginning, when we don’t really understand right view, it is borrowed wisdom. This means that we need to apply the appropriate information intellectually to help us in a particular situation. After doing this repeatedly over a long period of time the mind will remember the right view more and more easily and eventually it will understand the truth of it. Once the mind really understands the truth of that right view, it becomes your own wisdom. Then you won’t have to try to recall the right view anymore, the mind will automatically see the situation with the right view.

DELUSION IS LACK OF WISDOM

Yogi: In a sense I know that delusion, moha, is there all the time, it seems to pervade everything. On the other hand, I cannot help wondering how a deluded mind can recognize delusion.

Sayadaw: Only when an insight arises can delusion be understood, because insight is the opposite of delusion. Wisdom understands the natural characteristics of the object. Delusion covers up these natural characteristics of the object, but it does not cover up the object. Perception recognizes the object, delusion distorts perception.

Yogi: Maybe this is the sense of delusion I have, this veil between me and reality, so to speak.

Sayadaw: Yes, that’s why you say it pervades everything. In moments of insights, this veil suddenly drops — for a very short time. Therefore, unless we strive to have as much understanding as we can, delusion will cover things up all the time.

Yogi: Could you give a definition of delusion?

Sayadaw: Delusion isn’t complete ignorance. Delusion is not knowing the truth of what is. It is the lack of wisdom.

Yogi: Why is delusion so strong, why is there so little wisdom?

Sayadaw: Because delusion wants to remain deluded and because we have been ‘practising’ delusion for aeons.