Yogi: It’s a challenge to keep being aware when working in the kitchen, especially when having a conversation with coffee. No chance!
It is not that I’m disappointed or angry – it’s just that I recognize that it’s not easy, that my awareness is not strong enough to manage.
Sayadaw: Yes, that’s right; it’s okay.
Practicing the Dhamma is a life-long undertaking. We don’t have to have results now.
It is not the continuity that comes with ‘me trying to be continuous’. Just relax and be mindful.
The nature of the mind is that if you allow something to happen more in the mind, that quality will get stronger. So, we just allow it to happen more frequently and see what that brings.
As a meditation teacher, it doesn’t help that I have to say ‘be mindful all the time’, or ‘keep the mindfulness continuous’.
If I don’t say that, the yogis may not practice. But, it is only to try.
Yogis only need to relax and be mindful – when you lose mindfulness and you remember, then it comes back. Realize that, because you’re practicing, it comes back and you can continue to be mindful again – when you lose it, it comes back.
Once, a yogi was getting tense from trying to make the mindfulness continuous. It was only when the yogi had the thought that the mindfulness couldn't be continuous in the beginning and he had to start from somewhere that it was such a relief to him and he could then relax.
It’s not the continuity that comes with ‘me trying to be continuous’. Just relax and be mindful – don’t have the thought that you have to make it continuous.
Yogi: I realized that if I said what I was thinking, it could really hurt somebody badly.
Now, it really motivates me to notice what I’m thinking – then, I won’t talk without realizing what I’m saying.
It’s very important for me not to hurt anybody.
Sayadaw: When there is no mindfulness, it feels like there is danger for the mind.
When there is enough awareness, we know when something happens in the mind and we know whether what happens in the mind is right or wrong, wholesome or unwholesome – then, we have a choice what to do with that thought.
If we don’t know, then we don’t have a choice because so often we can say what we think faster than we realize what we’re saying.
Now with awareness, you see it arise in the mind.
Yogi: Big stories arose and in the beginning I was totally involved with it. And when it kept coming, I realized that it was the same topic, the craving for recognition and praise. It was hurting and then came aversion towards these thoughts and stories.
When I’m aware of what is going on, when I realize that the stories are useless, I’m no more involved in them and also I have more choices. And when the story comes again, it doesn’t have the same power any more.
Sayadaw: Just be aware continuously, again and again – it doesn’t go to waste because it teaches us something.
Like when you’re watching and you see the thoughts come continuously, at first the thoughts come again and again, and when the mind gathers enough data, you realize although they are different stories, they have the same theme. And then it has this effect on the mind – the mind starts to learn. Then, you start to see that it causes suffering this way; one time you see it very clearly and then the mind has enough power and information to decide “okay, this thought I don’t need to keep thinking it because it is going to do the same thing” and then it stops.
At first, it’s just awareness and there is not enough wisdom. But when the awareness gathers enough information, wisdom comes in.
Yogi: In the first meditation this morning, I felt tense and uncomfortable. I noticed that the mind was grouchy and beneath that, I saw sadness.
The very moment that I saw sadness, the body just relaxed and turned comfortable. I asked myself how the body could react that fast to something I realized.
Sayadaw: Really, when awareness and insight happen, it is like magic. One moment of awareness and that wisdom comes, it clears the defilement.
When the awareness becomes very full and powerful, then when the wisdom arises, the wisdom is also very powerful and complete, and it sees very clearly.
This sort of magic is very useful in life, but we have to train the mind to be aware a lot.
When we train the mind a lot and something happens, we know it immediately and the moment we know it, it is resolved. The sooner the mind sees it, the more quickly the defilement gets resolved.
This is some advertising. (Joking)
We have to have years of practice. When you practice that hard, it becomes easy; but if you practice easy, it stays hard.
You saw what happened this morning. It was a small defilement and you have had years of practicing and also the amount of practice at this retreat, it was easy – one moment and it was gone. That much practice can deal with that much defilement.
This practice has to be that much bigger to deal with much bigger defilements.
If you had not been mindful and you had not noticed that little sadness, it might have bothered you the whole day, right?
Yogi: In the first meditation this morning, I felt tense and uncomfortable. I told myself ‘okay, you’re here and it doesn’t matter how you feel; just relax’. I noticed that the mind was grouchy and beneath that, I saw sadness.
The very moment that I saw sadness, the body just relaxed and turned comfortable. I asked myself how the body could react that fast to something I realized.
Sayadaw: Wisdom came into that awareness – there was a single moment of awareness and wisdom decided to come in.
First, there was some delusion, the mind didn’t see what was happening; and when it was uncovered, that was wisdom. Wisdom sees clearly and once it is seen for what it is, it is a relief.
When something changes in the mind, the body changes – it feels relaxed because the mind and body are connected on many levels.
I remember how the little insights arose when I was practicing with my teacher in my teens.
I would be sitting for an hour – I understood nothing except that I had to be mindful every second. I was very diligent and the sitting would end after an hour when somebody knocked the bell.
I would stop being mindful and got up – and then some insight would arise. I’d like ask: why the insight arose then? It happened several times and I finally understood that, first there was diligence and then the mind relaxed. And when I relaxed, the mind came into balance, but because of the diligence and momentum of mindfulness, the insight could arise when the balance came.
It may not happen this way for everybody, but we have to watch out for how insights arise for ourselves. How was the mind working before the insight arose?
I was very clear that when the insight arose, there was no desire for it to arise.
Imagine someone you meet every day. When you’re in a good mood and you see this person, how do you feel about the person? And, when you’re in a horrible mood and you see the person, how do you feel about the person?
Our mood affects the way we view something, event or person. It is the same with this – when the mind has aversion, it is in the wrong mood, it can’t think of anything positive or helpful.
This is the most important thing in meditation – with what sort of mind am I meditating, what is the mood of the mind that is watching?
Sometimes, we can’t help but be aware with aversion, greed and some delusion. But because we’ve been aware when the defilement is present and when the defilement is absent, we learn how to become more aware with wisdom – because we see that it is not helpful when the defilements are around.
None of us start off by being aware with wisdom. That doesn’t happen.
Yogi: I’m struggling with what to do with the open schedule and I start to drink lots of tea. And, I have to run to the bathroom often.
I’m also struggling with my expectations and frustrations – not appreciating what is happening. I’m stuck with hanging around and wanting.
Sayadaw: How much and how well we’re doing, the results are already there. We don’t have to think so much about where we are. We just have to think about what to do, which is to be mindful with right view.
Don’t think about what you’re getting; just think about what to do.
The 5 days you have been here, you have 5 days worth of mindfulness.
Growing in the practice means that you have been more mindful, you have put in that much effort and you have developed some wisdom. It’s a bit more than what you usually have, and that’s it.
Your decision about what to do when there was no schedule was to have tea mindfully and the result was that you need to go to the toilet frequently. You go to the toilet mindfully.
So long as you do that, it’s fine.
When you pee, were you mindful from start to finish?
Yogi: Well, I don’t know.
Sayadaw: It doesn’t matter how insignificant the activity we see. When we put in the effort to be aware of the activity, from beginning to end, it becomes a meditation. It becomes almost a holy activity when we bring our attention to it and stay with it.
For example, you could have an insight while taking a shower.
Yogi: When there was aversion to the pain in the moment, I realized that it was greed for something else. I was a little sad that the moment couldn’t be okay.
I felt choked up treating the moment how it was, and then, I was grateful for how it was – it wasn’t perfect, but it was what I had. But, I’m still struggling with the experience.
Sayadaw: Forget about the greed; just be aware of the present moment as it is. Stay with the awareness because if we’re aware, we’ll recognize greed when it arises. We need to grow the awareness so that it can be ever ready.
It is like when we run a shop, we don’t chase after our favorite customer so that when others come to buy, we are not around. We should sell to whoever comes to the shop; just keep the shop open and stay there.
It’s like your mind has a target – it thinks ‘I didn’t see it and I should see it’ and it starts to look for it.
Meditation is not trying to look for something. Meditation is waiting to see what is arising now.
Yogi: First thing in the morning, I was already excited. I was running around taking a lot of photos and I lost mindfulness. Sometimes, I recognize that it’s greed.
Sayadaw: If you notice what is happening, that is good enough. You only need to know what is happening. You don’t have to stop it.
Yogi: I often get too excited.
Sayadaw: There is no need to not be excited; you just need to know that you’re excited.
Yogi: When the mind is clear, I’m not sure if I’m attached or detached from it.
Sayadaw: We don’t have to concern ourselves with whether there will be greed or not.
If it happens, it happens – that’s okay. You learn from it – you might not know then, but you’ll find out later.
There’s no need to find out in the present moment. You just need to know what you know now – that’s enough. There’s no need to get it right.
Yogi: I think I go into strong concentration when I sit. There’s a strong vibration in my mind and all I want to watch is this vibration. I was with it for close to 2 hours in one sit.
Sayadaw: Vibration is physical; why do you think vibration is mind?
Yogi: I say vibration because I don’t know another word, and it is something I cannot locate in my body.
Sayadaw: You don’t know for sure that is the mind – so don’t think vibration is the mind. You can say: this is an object. Don’t go closer to the object, don’t go into it and don’t inspect it.
Stay with the awareness; don’t go nearer to the vibration. Stay knowing, that awareness is still present.
When you stay with the awareness, it will pick up other objects.
Sayadaw: Are you attached to this object?
Yogi: Yes, I like it.
Sayadaw: You need to watch the liking mind; don’t look at the vibration. You need to look at the liking mind until it is not there.
If you watch the vibration with the liking mind, you’ll like it more and more and it will just grow.
Once you get attached, you get too much into the object, you’ll start going into the object, and then all sorts of complicated things can happen on retreat.
Yogi: Yesterday I reported that sometimes the mind didn’t want to be aware and Sayadaw said that it was the delusion that didn’t want to be aware, that it was a tug-of-war between delusion and wisdom.
Just this sentence made my motivation to be aware stronger. I felt more responsible for my awareness.
Sayadaw: Okay.