Yogi: When I sit, I get tense and it is hard for the mind to be relaxed or aware. I use Sayadaw’s advice to ask myself if the mind is relaxed to get the mind to relax.
Sayadaw: It is more about checking what the attitude of the mind is rather than if the mind is relaxed.
There is tension now – how does the mind feel about the tension? Does it like it?
Yogi: Of course not.
Sayadaw: Watch the disliking if you can, in a relaxed way.
Yogi: I have ‘meditative’ headaches and I feel the tension around my eyes and temples. It’s just the tension without the pain. It builds up towards the evening and I can get tired and averse to it.
Sayadaw: You’re a little bit intense, like you’re quite serious in the way you’re practicing. There’s a little bit of trying too hard.
Because you’re doing it continuously day after day, it builds up. Practice continuously but lightly.
Yogi: If I take it lightly, then I wouldn’t be practicing continuously.
Sayadaw: It doesn’t have to be continuous. It’s like you practice lightly – when you lose mindfulness and you remember, then it comes back. Realize that because you’re practicing, it comes back and you can continue to be mindful again – when you lose it, it comes back.
So, just keep noticing that it comes back, again and again.
If we feel that it must or has to be a certain way – you notice the words ‘must’ and ‘has to’ – then there is going to be tension.
Yogi: In daily life, when I remember to be aware, I sometimes get confused about what to be aware of because there are so many things happening. If I take the dominant object, it is often thinking.
Sayadaw: You can know the mind and what it is knowing – it is okay.
The priority is to always check the state of the mind – how the mind is feeling as it is doing things so that the mind can stay balanced.
It is then easier to continue to be aware because the mind is balanced. When it hurries or when it worries, then it is difficult to be aware.
If you check, it is easier for the mind to become balanced again. If we don’t notice that the mind is hurrying or worrying, then we can get lost in it.
Yogi: There are unpleasant feelings in the body and aversion arises. As instructed, I notice the bodily sensations and the aversion in the mind.
It’s like a game – do I continue to do this? Is it time well spent?
Sayadaw: Is it a game because it keeps coming up and you have to keep watching it?
Yogi: Yes.
Sayadaw: If meditation is a game, it is great; then it is fun.
Yogi: Will I ever win?
Sayadaw: Why not! It is important to check your attitude – remind yourself that aversion is not a bad thing and you’re here to understand its nature.
You remind yourself that it is nature so that you can watch it, again and again
When you understand that it is nature, you’ve won the game.
Yogi: How do I practice with sadness and grief that surface when I’m sending metta to my departed loved ones?
I can see the emotion come and go because I’m not wanting it or pushing it away. Sayadaw mentions that happiness and suffering are both objects; could Sayadaw elaborate?
Sayadaw: You already know how to observe grief. Observing grief doesn’t mean that it goes away.
You seem to be neutral in observing it – you can have an intention to understand more about the nature of grief.
Since you experience it, you have the opportunity to observe it and understand its nature.
Grief arises because of conditions that allow grief to arise – what are these conditions?
You will understand that it is also a process – it is not personal.
Whatever we experience, the first priority is to observe so that we get the right understanding about it.
Yogi: When I’m tired after a long working day, aversion comes up against the tiredness. How do I deal with the tiredness?
Sayadaw: You can just be tired; there is nothing wrong with that. You need to deal with the aversion.
When you’re tired, just rest, but deal with the aversion.
The body can be tired; you have to just let it rest. The important thing is whether the mind has a reaction to that or not. So, you watch the reaction.
Yogi: It’s a challenge to keep being aware when working in the kitchen, especially when having a conversation with coffee. No chance!
It is not that I’m disappointed or angry – it’s just that I recognize that it’s not easy, that my awareness is not strong enough to manage.
Sayadaw: Yes, that’s right; it’s okay.
Practicing the Dhamma is a life-long undertaking. We don’t have to have results now.
It is not the continuity that comes with ‘me trying to be continuous’. Just relax and be mindful.
The nature of the mind is that if you allow something to happen more in the mind, that quality will get stronger. So, we just allow it to happen more frequently and see what that brings.
As a meditation teacher, it doesn’t help that I have to say ‘be mindful all the time’, or ‘keep the mindfulness continuous’.
If I don’t say that, the yogis may not practice. But, it is only to try.
Yogis only need to relax and be mindful – when you lose mindfulness and you remember, then it comes back. Realize that, because you’re practicing, it comes back and you can continue to be mindful again – when you lose it, it comes back.
Once, a yogi was getting tense from trying to make the mindfulness continuous. It was only when the yogi had the thought that the mindfulness couldn't be continuous in the beginning and he had to start from somewhere that it was such a relief to him and he could then relax.
It’s not the continuity that comes with ‘me trying to be continuous’. Just relax and be mindful – don’t have the thought that you have to make it continuous.
Yogi: I realized that if I said what I was thinking, it could really hurt somebody badly.
Now, it really motivates me to notice what I’m thinking – then, I won’t talk without realizing what I’m saying.
It’s very important for me not to hurt anybody.
Sayadaw: When there is no mindfulness, it feels like there is danger for the mind.
When there is enough awareness, we know when something happens in the mind and we know whether what happens in the mind is right or wrong, wholesome or unwholesome – then, we have a choice what to do with that thought.
If we don’t know, then we don’t have a choice because so often we can say what we think faster than we realize what we’re saying.
Now with awareness, you see it arise in the mind.
Yogi: Big stories arose and in the beginning I was totally involved with it. And when it kept coming, I realized that it was the same topic, the craving for recognition and praise. It was hurting and then came aversion towards these thoughts and stories.
When I’m aware of what is going on, when I realize that the stories are useless, I’m no more involved in them and also I have more choices. And when the story comes again, it doesn’t have the same power any more.
Sayadaw: Just be aware continuously, again and again – it doesn’t go to waste because it teaches us something.
Like when you’re watching and you see the thoughts come continuously, at first the thoughts come again and again, and when the mind gathers enough data, you realize although they are different stories, they have the same theme. And then it has this effect on the mind – the mind starts to learn. Then, you start to see that it causes suffering this way; one time you see it very clearly and then the mind has enough power and information to decide “okay, this thought I don’t need to keep thinking it because it is going to do the same thing” and then it stops.
At first, it’s just awareness and there is not enough wisdom. But when the awareness gathers enough information, wisdom comes in.
Yogi: In the first meditation this morning, I felt tense and uncomfortable. I noticed that the mind was grouchy and beneath that, I saw sadness.
The very moment that I saw sadness, the body just relaxed and turned comfortable. I asked myself how the body could react that fast to something I realized.
Sayadaw: Really, when awareness and insight happen, it is like magic. One moment of awareness and that wisdom comes, it clears the defilement.
When the awareness becomes very full and powerful, then when the wisdom arises, the wisdom is also very powerful and complete, and it sees very clearly.
This sort of magic is very useful in life, but we have to train the mind to be aware a lot.
When we train the mind a lot and something happens, we know it immediately and the moment we know it, it is resolved. The sooner the mind sees it, the more quickly the defilement gets resolved.
This is some advertising. (Joking)
We have to have years of practice. When you practice that hard, it becomes easy; but if you practice easy, it stays hard.
You saw what happened this morning. It was a small defilement and you have had years of practicing and also the amount of practice at this retreat, it was easy – one moment and it was gone. That much practice can deal with that much defilement.
This practice has to be that much bigger to deal with much bigger defilements.
If you had not been mindful and you had not noticed that little sadness, it might have bothered you the whole day, right?
Yogi: In the first meditation this morning, I felt tense and uncomfortable. I told myself ‘okay, you’re here and it doesn’t matter how you feel; just relax’. I noticed that the mind was grouchy and beneath that, I saw sadness.
The very moment that I saw sadness, the body just relaxed and turned comfortable. I asked myself how the body could react that fast to something I realized.
Sayadaw: Wisdom came into that awareness – there was a single moment of awareness and wisdom decided to come in.
First, there was some delusion, the mind didn’t see what was happening; and when it was uncovered, that was wisdom. Wisdom sees clearly and once it is seen for what it is, it is a relief.
When something changes in the mind, the body changes – it feels relaxed because the mind and body are connected on many levels.
I remember how the little insights arose when I was practicing with my teacher in my teens.
I would be sitting for an hour – I understood nothing except that I had to be mindful every second. I was very diligent and the sitting would end after an hour when somebody knocked the bell.
I would stop being mindful and got up – and then some insight would arise. I’d like ask: why the insight arose then? It happened several times and I finally understood that, first there was diligence and then the mind relaxed. And when I relaxed, the mind came into balance, but because of the diligence and momentum of mindfulness, the insight could arise when the balance came.
It may not happen this way for everybody, but we have to watch out for how insights arise for ourselves. How was the mind working before the insight arose?
I was very clear that when the insight arose, there was no desire for it to arise.
Imagine someone you meet every day. When you’re in a good mood and you see this person, how do you feel about the person? And, when you’re in a horrible mood and you see the person, how do you feel about the person?
Our mood affects the way we view something, event or person. It is the same with this – when the mind has aversion, it is in the wrong mood, it can’t think of anything positive or helpful.
This is the most important thing in meditation – with what sort of mind am I meditating, what is the mood of the mind that is watching?
Sometimes, we can’t help but be aware with aversion, greed and some delusion. But because we’ve been aware when the defilement is present and when the defilement is absent, we learn how to become more aware with wisdom – because we see that it is not helpful when the defilements are around.
None of us start off by being aware with wisdom. That doesn’t happen.