SITTING
Yogi: When the mind feels balanced, especially in the afternoons, should I continue sitting or should I get up after one hour?
SUT: You can sit longer if you want to. But I do not encourage people to sit for long periods of time; don’t sit for more than an hour and a half. People who like calmness are fond of sitting longer, those who like awareness prefer activity. I encourage people to be active because it forces the mind to be ‘on its toes’ so to speak and to really work at being mindful in the present moment. Unfortunately, we don’t have yogi jobs here as you have in the West.
WALKING
Yogi: What would you recommend for walking meditation, keep the eyes downcast all the time or look around?
SUT: Don’t intentionally do either. Just be natural and be aware of what the mind knows. If you are looking around, you are aware that you are looking around, if you are looking down, you are aware of that. Just be aware of what is actually going on.
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Yogi: Could you give me some advice on how to do walking meditation and how to investigate while walking?
SUT: First recognize that there is walking. Then you can ask yourself a question. For example: How are the mind and the body interacting? What state of mind are you walking in? Why are you walking? Who is walking? By introducing such questions you can slowly step up the investigation.
LYING DOWN
Yogi: How will lying down meditation help me become aware of tension?
SUT: When we lie down, the mind takes it as a signal to relax. It does not use any energy to support the body. In sitting we support the body a little bit and if we do not recognize how much energy is necessary, the mind naturally puts in the amount of energy that it is used to putting in. Lying down is a very good way to explore this. When you then compare, you will see how much energy is being used to keep up sitting and other postures.
When you do lying down meditation, notice the energy which is used, so that you have a reference point. This way you can see how much energy you use in other postures, and whether you use too much and therefore get tense. But if we are really interested in being aware of our mind, the way we feel when the mind is in a particular state etc., and if we are actually able to tune into our mind all the time, then every posture should be a posture for investigation.
Yogi: And every posture should be relaxed?
SUT: Yes. If you can be both relaxed and alert in the lying down meditation, you can bring this state of mind into every posture, into every movement. If you fall asleep, you know that you still need to do some tuning.
NOTHING TO DO
Yogi: Sometimes my mind feels very quiet and I get the sense that there is nothing to do.
SUT: When the mind becomes quieter, there is a lot of work left to do. You have to start investigating at that time. When the mind becomes quiet it does not mean that there is nothing to do — the mind has just become ready! When you do not bring in questions to help the mind look more critically at what is happening, it will feel that there is nothing to do.
For example you could ask yourself whether you can clearly see the difference between the nature of the mind and the body, between physical and mental processes. That will keep the mind busy.
TENSE OR RELAXED
Yogi: I have been noticing less tension. But I still have some struggle because once I am relaxed I often start feeling lazy, and when that happens I start feeling guilty and the mind becomes busy and of course tense again. I know the mind works best when it is relaxed and I am trying to find the right balance.
SUT: The balance you have to find is the balance between ‘relaxation’ and ‘interest’. Interest is using wisdom; there is a wisdom quality to interest. People usually try to find a balance between effort and relaxation by using more or less effort. But if there is interest, effort is already present. When the mind is interested in knowing something, there is already effort. But be patient with yourself; to have zero tension is not easy.
Yogi: What exactly does it mean to be relaxed? I know how it feels to be relaxed physically, but what does it mean to be relaxed mentally?
SUT: Feeling relaxed is really about being free of expectation and anxiety. You can only be totally relaxed when the mind is free of lobha and dosa; wanting to be relaxed or trying to become relaxed will only make you even tenser.
FEELING RESTLESS
Yogi: I have been feeling a bit restless recently. I only have ten more days to go before I leave and the mind seems to be very eager for progress.
SUT: It is important that you are aware of the restlessness and that you know why you are restless. If thoughts come up because of restlessness, never believe those thoughts. If you believe those thoughts, it will just get worse. Whenever you feel discomfort about something, the mind is actually telling you that it wants to feel good. A yogi who really understands the practice is fine with uncomfortable or difficult experiences and sees them as a challenge, as a learning opportunity. If there is no understanding, there will immediately be resistance to the unpleasant experience. We need to learn to accept things as they are, and that also means accepting difficult situations as they are.
FEELING STUCK
Yogi: Sometimes I feel really stuck in meditation and don’t know what to do. Then the mind looks for the attitude but sometimes it cannot even see the attitude. Other times the attitude is clear, for example there is aversion, and then the mind tries to see what is behind that attitude.
SUT: Just recognize as much as you can. Don’t look for or search for what you cannot see, and also don’t try to guess what it might be!
Yogi: But is there something behind that attitude?
SUT: Don’t even think about it! If you think, it is gone because your mind already forms an idea of what it might be or how it might be. Also don’t think in terms of behind or in front of! If the mind has the ability to see, it will see more, if it doesn’t, it won’t.
Yogi: I am still struggling with basics like the attitude, wondering what the right attitude is, how to become really aware and so on. There is no formula for it and I find this quite exhausting. You encourage us to recall good experiences, and the mind then tries to do this and to recall how the state of awareness was at that time and how the mind got to that state of awareness. I cannot do this; the mind just gets more confused when it tries to do all this.
SUT: Don’t do this kind of investigation now! You just said that you are still struggling with the basics and that you find this exhausting. At this stage you should not do any investigation because it just makes things very complicated in the mind. You need to wait until the mind becomes stable. Just practise in a simple way now, just observe what is happening.
Group interviews can be confusing in a way because yogis pick up a lot of information which is not really suitable for them. What is suitable for one yogi might not at all be suitable for another yogi. If some information you hear is helpful, you can of course use it, but don’t try to follow advice given to someone else if you do not find it helpful for yourself.
Yogi: OK, so I need to wait until the mind is stable.
SUT: Yes, investigation can only come when the mind is stable, then it can come quite naturally. But many people actually feel lost when the mind quiets down and becomes stable, they don’t know what to do with the quietness. That’s when I need to encourage yogis to investigate.
Yogi: Ah, I see. I don’t have that problem...☺
SUT: It is good to acquire a lot of knowledge. But the personal needs of yogis are very different, so you must choose carefully what you apply in your own practice.
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SUT: When you seem to be stuck with a negative attitude towards meditation, you have to recall how meditation has been helpful in the past, what difference meditation has made to your life. Think of the benefits you got, of the things you have understood through meditation. Think about how it feels when you are not being mindful and how different that is to being mindful. Reflecting like this will help you to reorient your mind.
Something else you could try: When you experience good mind states, actively remember them. Remind yourself that you are experiencing a good mind state, that good mind states are possible, that this is how a good mind state feels. In this way you reinforce the understanding of the good states you experience. If you know why it is good or how it feels good, try to articulate that to yourself. This will help your mind to remember it next time you are feeling low. It will more easily remember positive experiences.
Yogi: Yes, I can understand this well. But sometimes the resistance is so strong and the attitude towards meditation so negative, that all I can do is just sort of automatically walk up and down. Then, very slowly, some mindfulness develops, and with the development of mindfulness, there is some joy, and the attitude towards meditation becomes positive again.
SUT: The problem many yogis have is that they are so used to making things happen. In daily life they are used to setting themselves goals, to applying a lot of effort, and to achieving what they want. Then they do the same thing in meditation. They want to be good, very good, the best. When they are not as good as they want to be, they quickly become disappointed. That’s why they lose faith and why they lose interest in the practice.
Not thinking about meditation anymore, not even trying to meditate anymore but just walking up and down can therefore be the best thing to do for a while. As soon as you really don’t try to do anything anymore, when you don’t expect anything anymore, but just let things be, awareness comes back. Why? Because it has always been there!
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Yogi: I feel I am not making any progress. I tend to get bored very easily. How can we avoid boredom? How can we avoid becoming stagnant in our practice?
SUT: You cannot and you should not try to avoid getting bored, and you cannot and should not try to avoid becoming stagnant in your practice. As long as you are not skilful, these things will happen. This is normal. You cannot help getting bored and becoming stagnant. If you become bored or if your practice becomes stagnant, be aware that this is happening and try to be aware of the factors leading to these states. You must remember that the practice of vipassanā is not trying to do anything or make anything happen. Just recognize what is happening, that’s all, very simple!
NOT ENOUGH ENERGY — FEELING SLEEPY OR TIRED
Yogi: Last week I noticed that I have more mental and physical energy in the mornings. In the afternoons they both wane. I am never quite sure why this happens. Is this just mental or is it because we eat in the mornings but have no food in the afternoons, so the body energy goes down and therefore the mind energy goes down too?
SUT: This happens to yogis when they practise all day. They are fresh in the morning, they have plenty of energy but then they tend to use it all up. You need to keep checking how much energy you use! Are you getting tense from the way you use your energies? Are you using too much energy? Are you practising over-enthusiastically? If you really keep an eye on this and only use the energy you need, you can keep going until nine or ten at night.
You also need to remind yourself that you do not need much energy to focus on objects or experiences. Do you need to listen in order to hear? Do you need to look in order to see? Do you need to focus in order to be aware?
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Yogi: I have been having problems with sleepiness during sitting meditation. It happens to me regularly, particularly at the beginning of a retreat.
SUT: When you begin your sitting do you notice any dullness or any other precursors to sleepiness?
Yogi: Sometimes.
SUT: Rather than just observing what is happening, try using some questions to feed the interest in your mind. Ask yourself: “Is the mind aware? What is it aware of? What is it doing?” Often, this will keep the mind alert and active. It also sounds like you have developed a habit of sleepiness at the beginning of retreats; you have sort of accepted that this happens. Asking questions will wake the mind up a little. If you have the right attitude and practise consistently you will find that — over time — the energy of your mind will start increasing; you will become more awake, alert, and aware.
Yogi: What should I do if that does not work? Sometimes I find myself just struggling to sit through the hour and getting frustrated for falling asleep again and again.
SUT: It should not be a struggle. If you find that nothing works, that you cannot observe and explore the state of sleepiness at all, if you are just struggling to stay awake, it is better to get up and do something else — do some walking meditation.
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Yogi: I have been experiencing a lot of sleepiness on this retreat. When I do not feel sleepy I feel agitated and then there is this running commentary on my experiences. About a week ago, I realized that my sīla-base is not as stable as it has been in the past. This year I have done a number of things I wish I had not done. I also noticed that my mind is judging other people’s behaviour a lot, and I think it is doing this in order to assure myself that I am not such a bad person after all. This seems a kind of trick of the mind to make me feel less guilty about the unwholesome things I have done. My question is: What can I do to re-establish a sound base of sīla? I feel I cannot practise in the way I did in the past unless I become a more virtuous person.
SUT: You cannot change the past. Don’t think about the past!
Yogi: OK, so I need to go forward. How should I do this?
SUT: If you have samādhi in this very moment, your sīla is pure. Why do you think about the past sīla? You made mistakes, OK, but can you go back?
Yogi: No.
SUT: So leave it behind.
Yogi: Is it a defilement to keep holding on to this?
SUT: Yes, you are attached to the wrong you have done. What was the reason that you were not able to keep pure sīla? Was it lobha; greed or desire?
Yogi: Yes.
SUT: Is that greed ‘you’?
Yogi: No.
SUT: So you understand that because there was too much greed, there was a lack of sīla. The sīla that was not pure was not your sīla. And right now, with the development of samādhi, sīla is pure again.
Yogi: This is something I have difficulties accepting since I grew up in a Christian society.
SUT: The sīla was not pure before, but it is pure now. Just bring awareness into the moment and make your sīla pure now.
You also mentioned that sleepiness was a problem. Because you were thinking of sleepiness as a problem, your mind was wondering why you were feeling this way. It therefore started thinking about the past and got you into all this trouble. You came to the conclusion that breaking sīla caused the sleepiness. This is wrong view, a false conclusion. You need to see the cause of sleepiness in the present moment, not think of a story that could be behind it. You want to know what has happened in the mind that is making it sleepy now. The more skilful you are at observing the activities of the mind, the easier it will be for you to see why your state of mind is changing.
My understanding of sleepiness is very straightforward. I believe that the reason the mind becomes sleepy is because there is no interest. Maybe the awareness is still working, maybe there is still samādhi, but when the wisdom faculty is not working, when the mind is not interested, it becomes sleepy. If the mind is truly interested in the processes which are going on, if it wants to understand the objects, the feelings, the emotional reactions and how they all interact, it will never feel sleepy.
What often happens to people who practise a lot is that samādhi grows but wisdom does not keep up. We need to investigate; we need to use our wisdom. Once we have some samādhi, once we have a measure of calmness and balance of mind, we should ask ourselves questions. Am I clearly aware of what is going on in the mind? What does the mind know about the object and the mind?
Yogi: That would mean making the mind the object of our awareness.
SUT: Yes. You not only want to be aware that the mind is quiet but also of the mind which is aware of that quietness. Don’t stay with the object or the experience but go to the mind that is aware of the object or the experience. If we stay with this awareness and continue to recognize its presence, it will grow stronger. But if we forget to do this and look at the samādhi instead, the awareness will gradually weaken and we will not be aware of it.
What do you do when you experience calmness?
Yogi: Usually I just relax back into it. The other day though I turned my awareness to what was happening in the mind. The question arose whether there were any defilements present. I could not see any, but immediately the thought came up that I probably cannot see the more subtle defilements. Then I thought of a close relative who I have been having many difficulties with and immediately I could see very strong defilements.
SUT: Did you feel sleepy at that time?
Yogi: No.
SUT: Only when the mind is not working does it go to sleep! Whenever the mind is quiet and calm, it is ready to investigate. But you don’t necessarily have to use conceptual thinking. You can just investigate how the mind is working. Do you know the awareness? Is it still present? Is awareness static or is it new in every moment? There is no need to find the answers! Just introduce the questions, give the mind something to work with, encourage it to take an interest in what is happening.
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Yogi: I have been practising the way you told me but I find I am getting tired very easily. I cannot see anything wrong with the way I practise. Watching the activities of the mind seems to make me tired.
SUT: Does the mind accept everything it notices?
Yogi: No, it has many reactions to what is going on.
SUT: That’s what makes you tired. If you find yourself reacting to your experiences very strongly, it is better to do some samatha practice. For example, when you experience aversion, recognize it and then change to a neutral object like the breath or some physical sensation. Watch this for a while to calm the mind, then look at the aversion again for a while — just keep going back and forth. Many yogis find it too difficult to watch the mind continuously. As long as we don’t have real wisdom, as long as we depend on bringing in wisdom intellectually, we will have to use a samatha practice to calm the mind.
DEPRESSION
Yogi: Could you say something about depression. How should we deal with such a difficult mind state?
SUT: You need to investigate depression as a mental activity. You need to understand what triggers off a depression and observe the effects it has.
There are two ways to deal with depression. To begin with you might have to practise samatha meditation in order to develop samādhi. As samādhi increases, depression will decrease. But even though the depression might totally lift for a while, it will always arise anew when the samādhi is gone and you are again confronted with the causes for depression. You can only overcome depression through understanding. The more effective way to deal with this mental activity is therefore to observe it in order to understand its causes and conditions. Only once these are really understood, will the mind be free of depression.
For most people suffering from depression, it will probably be best to use a combination of both these methods. First they need to do a samatha practice in order to gain a measure of samādhi. With this relatively stable mind they can then practise vipassanā, i.e. they can observe and investigate the depression. When the emotions and feelings become too strong to look at, i.e. when the mind becomes agitated, they should again do a samatha practice till the mind is calm enough to do more observing and investigating. They might have to go back and forth like this quite often until the mind is strong enough to just be with the depression. It is very important not to expect quick results; understanding depression usually only comes after a very long time of regular practice of accepting, observing, and investigating.
People who are already experienced in meditation before they suffer from depression will of course find understanding this whole process and putting it into practice much easier. Those who are on medication should continue taking them regularly. Only when the mind really has some firm understanding, they might consider reducing their medication very gradually — after consulting their physician of course. Medication is often necessary to stabilize the mind and a sudden and substantial reduction could have very negative consequences.
SLEEP
Yogi: I have been unable to go to the Dhamma Hall in the morning because I usually fall asleep very late.
SUT: Why can’t you fall asleep? What does your mind do?
Yogi: Well, at first it tries to meditate but then it starts wandering off.
SUT: That’s why you are tired in the morning. Letting your mind wander aimlessly for a long time makes the mind tired because that is a very poor quality mind. The quality of mind that you have when you fall asleep will be the quality of mind that you wake up with. If you fall asleep in this wandering, hazy state, you will wake up in a similar state. The defilements make the mind tired. That’s why we should not let the mind be idle. That’s why I am telling you to practise continuously all day. We need to maintain the quality of our minds. You are working the whole day continuously trying to build up the quality of this mind and then at night, within a few hours, you throw it all out of the window. So don’t let your mind wander freely.
Yogi: I find it very difficult to really watch or control the mind when I am in bed, ready to sleep.
SUT: The reason your mind wanders off is because it does not have an objective at that time. You have no aim, you do not tell the mind what to do. You need to aim at remaining aware until you fall asleep. Try it and see how it makes you feel in the morning.
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Yogi: I have had three nights now of hardly any sleep. The first night I realized that I did not want to be here. I really wanted to leave. Last night was interesting. I went in and out of sleep; I maybe had three hours of sleep only. But it wasn’t bad. I’m really tired but at the same time I have really high energy — and things are strange.
SUT: That sounds fine. Just keep doing this — maybe for another week. Take it easy, see how it goes. Your reactions are getting less and therefore your samādhi is growing. When samādhi becomes really good, it will be easy to sleep. Just don’t ever think of wanting to go to sleep. When there are no more reactions in the mind, you will naturally fall asleep.
Yogi: When I first mentioned my problem, you said that we don’t need to sleep. Can one really go without sleep in daily life?
SUT: Yes, I have tried it myself. There are people in Myanmar who practise going without sleep. Not lying down is one of the ascetic practices for monks. Not being able to sleep is not a problem, only the defilements give us problems. My teacher used to say that night time is the time of virtuous yogis. There are monks in Myanmar who teach all day and meditate all night.
DREAMS
Yogi: I have a lot of painful, difficult dreams, especially in intensive practice. I have dreams about pain, dying, loss, doing harm, suffering, etc.
SUT: These kinds of dreams all have dosa character. You can investigate your dreams; dreams are very real. During the whole day you consciously control your mind and therefore the kilesas have little chance to manifest. In your dreams you cannot control anything and the kilesas will find ways to express themselves.
Yogi: Is there anything that can be done while the dreams are happening?
SUT: Have you ever woken up in the middle of a dream?
Yogi: Oh, that happens to me all the time!
SUT: And do you see the dosa at that time?
Yogi: Yes, I see the dosa in the dream and I can feel the residue.
SUT: Do you continue to observe that residue?
Yogi: Yes I do. Sometimes there can be insights after dreams, other times I just continue to feel disturbed.
SUT: Whenever you feel disturbed, remember the right attitude to observe this feeling. Whose dosa is it? If you identify with it, you will experience it as difficult.
Yogi: Is there any way to get into dreams directly?
SUT: Yes, if there is momentum. Dosa does its own work and awareness too does its own work. When awareness is continuous during your waking hours, when recognizing everything that happens becomes a habit of the mind, if you can be aware of every thought that comes into your mind, you will automatically be aware of your dreams too. This is the only way to get into your dreams. It is not something you can do, momentum does it.
Yogi: OK, I’ll keep working on it.
SUT: Let your mind think whatever it wants to think. As long as you are conscious of whatever thoughts come up, you are doing fine. In order to be able to do this though, you need to be really interested in seeing and understanding whatever is happening in the mind. You need to be very awake and alert.