EXPECTATIONS AND PATIENCE
Yogi: Why is it that whenever we have expectations, the situation becomes negative? How does this process work?
SUT: Expectations are expressions of lobha. Expectations are present because of delusion (moha), because we don’t know things as they really are. If we really accepted things as they are we would not have expectations. But when we don’t understand, we tend to have expectations. The stronger the expectation, the stronger the aversion when the expectation is not met.
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Yogi: How can a yogi develop more patience?
SUT: Watch the dosa. Dosa is the problem. My teacher always said to me that all the problems in the world originate from the trio of lobha, dosa, and moha. Keep an eye on them. Watching the bad qualities is more important because if you can keep them at bay, the good qualities will automatically come in. That’s why I chose ‘Don’t Look Down on the Defilements’ as the title of my first book.
I did a lot of retreats trying to develop good qualities. But I didn’t really change; I didn’t become a better person. That’s because I neglected to look at the bad qualities. The quality of my mind only started to improve when I began watching the bad qualities. Watching them really consistently and continuously enabled me to understand their nature.
Yogi: Would it be correct to say that impatience and expectations are the two main defilements to watch out for in our practice?
SUT: Yes, you should patiently watch the impatience. I myself became more patient because I watched impatience every time it arose.
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Yogi: Sometimes I have the impression that the investigation is going more towards a manipulation of the experience, that it is changing the experience in some way because there is an intention and this intention is based on some kind of expectation or wanting.
SUT: If there is a sense of wanting some result in your investigation other than wanting to understand, i.e. wanting a particular result to happen, the mind is manipulating the situation. Whenever you get this impression, you need to check your attitude to see whether the mind is actually trying to do this. Investigation just wants to know in an open way, wants to know what exactly is going on. It does not want to manipulate things.
Yogi: I don’t usually experience wanting any results. It is more that I am aware that there are so many aspects of my experience which I could bring my awareness to. That’s why I am wondering why I am choosing a particular one, why there is a preference for it, and whether there is some kind of wanting behind that choice.
SUT: You can investigate in that way too. Ask yourself why you have chosen a particular aspect. But sometimes it is not your choice; the mind has automatically chosen. When you do any investigation, you must always remember that the mind is doing its own work. If you identify with this process, it becomes very complicated. But if you just recognize that the mind is doing these things, that the mind is making certain choices, it is easy to observe and investigate how the mind works.
Whenever you investigate it is very important that you watch out for expectations. It can happen that you heard or read something which seems very similar to what you are experiencing in meditation and — without being aware of it — you might interpret or manipulate your experience in the light of that information.
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Yogi: I very easily get bored watching the mind, particularly during sitting meditation.
SUT: Why do you get bored?
Yogi: I guess because I expect something to happen.
SUT: Yes, when we want something to happen quickly, the mind cannot wait and gets bored.
Yogi: So what should I do? Stop meditating?
SUT: You need to practise patience. Notice every time the mind is eager for results and remind yourself of the right attitude. Only when the mind is simple, can wisdom develop. A complicated mind, a mind which thinks, expects, and plans, blocks off wisdom. The mind must be simple in order to be in the present and in order to see things just as they are. When awareness is really in the here and now, the mind never gets bored.
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Yogi: I used to have a lot of expectations in my practice and I often got attached to results. But now I try not to ask anything of my practice. I attempt to do the practice just for its own sake. Is it OK to really ask nothing of the practice?
SUT: Yes, that’s fine. When the conditions or causes are fulfilled, the effects or results will naturally follow. Waiting for the effects to happen is greed. Wisdom understands that just working on the conditions will bring about the results and therefore it does not worry about them.
The mind is, however, likely to play tricks on you. You might feel that there are no expectations but then, suddenly, they somehow sneak back in again. So don’t pay too much attention to the experiences you have during meditation but make an effort to keep watching the mind. If your attention is more on the mind, you will more easily notice whenever any form of greed sneaks in.
PRAYING AND MEDITATION
Yogi: How important are prayers — in comparison to meditation?
SUT: How many times can you pray in one day?
Yogi: I pray every time after meditation. Should I pray when I meditate or is it better to pray at different times?
SUT: Meditation is about being aware with the right understanding. You can be aware of the fact that praying is happening. So praying and meditation can happen at the same time.
Taking the advice of the Buddha is the same as praying or paying respect to him. The Buddha’s main advice to his followers was to be aware all the time, as much as possible. The Buddha very often reminded people not to be forgetful – ‘appamādena sampādetha’ in Pāli. Therefore, every time we remember this advice and practise awareness, we are paying respect to him. A prayer does not need to be expressed in words; it can be a mental attitude. Consequently, if we are aware all day long, we are paying respect to the Buddha all day long too.
The word Buddha means ‘one who knows’, and knowing is the quality of wisdom. Whenever we cultivate wisdom we are therefore inviting his presence. It is almost like being with him at these times.
HEAVEN AND HELL
Yogi: I find the concepts of hell realms, heavenly realms, and rebirth very difficult to accept. Other teachings of Buddhism are very straightforward because I can put them into practice and experience them directly. Do you have any suggestions on how to look at these concepts?
SUT: You don’t have to believe in other realms or in rebirth. Just keep on practising. Once there is greater wisdom, the mind will start understanding these things in the right way.
You could see other realms as different qualities of mind. When you feel miserable, the mind is in hell, and when you are in jhāna, you are in a heavenly realm. Life is a reflection of the quality of the mind. If you really understand the mind, you understand the world. You don’t need to believe something you cannot intellectually understand. Just keep investigating. Just keep learning from your personal experience.
ATTACHED TO MINDFULNESS
Yogi: Is it OK to be attached to mindfulness?
SUT: NO, it isn’t! There is no need to be attached to mindfulness, mindfulness develops because of momentum. What is there to get attached to? Any attachment should be avoided. It is of course possible to become attached to anything, but no attachment is good.
WANTING TO BE BETTER
Yogi: I often observe myself wanting other people to do poorly so that I will look best.
SUT: Yes, that’s good, you know your mind! It is in the nature of the mind to always want to be better than others, to want to see others as inferior. Only when this is recognized do we get the opportunity to change.
Yogi: How can I work skilfully with such observations?
SUT: Look at how it feels when the mind has a thought like that. You will see that it is not very pleasant. If you recognize this feeling every time there are such thoughts, the mind will become so familiar with the unpleasantness of them, that it will no longer want to be that way. The mind will not only realize that such thoughts are unpleasant but also that it is unnecessary to have them and that they are unwholesome. Once the mind really understands all this, it will easily let go.
ATTACHMENT TO ‘I’
Yogi: I have accomplished and suffered a lot in my life. Now I really appreciate the practice but I am definitely still very attached to ‘me’, to the ‘I’ who is doing all this. I find the idea of having to let go of ‘I’ or ‘me’ very frightening.
SUT: You don’t have to believe in anything and you don’t have to let go. You just need to practise. Nobody here really believes that there is no ‘I’.
Yogi: It feels like I would fall into some kind of void somewhere.
SUT: This is only because you don’t understand. Just trying to let go would be a meaningless exercise. Don’t worry about it; as long as you find joy and interest in the practice, you are doing fine. All you need to do is to take in the information you are given and explore. There is no need to try to believe in the existence or non-existence of anything.
GREED AND WISDOM
Yogi: Is it possible to like something without having greed?
SUT: Let me put it this way: Wisdom also desires things. But wisdom has a different motivation; it understands the true benefit of something and therefore it moves towards that. It is very different from greed or lust.
Yogi: I was thinking of intrinsically liking something, like walking in the woods and listening to a woodpecker’s sound.
SUT: That’s greed! I will give you another example. Some people, after hearing about Nibbāna, will try to practise very hard because they want to get it. That too is greed; they have no idea what Nibbāna is really about. This is the same as striving to earn a lot of money, thinking that once you get it you will be able to fulfil all your wishes.
When wisdom wants something there is no agitation, there is no urge to get there immediately. It understands the proximate causes to attain the goal and will steadily work to fulfil them. Wisdom always sees both sides, the good and the bad; it sees things from different perspectives. If wisdom sees black it also understands that it is not white. If it sees dukkha, it understands that the opposite must be possible, and that is what the mind subsequently strives towards.
When wisdom is present there will never be frustration, disappointment, or depression because the goal has not yet been reached. Since there is a real understanding, it knows that just by keeping on the path it will eventually get there. Greed, on the other hand, will always be disappointed as long as it has not reached its goal.
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Yogi: While I am doing sitting meditation I am aware of different objects. There is often desire in connection to one of the objects. How can I drop such defilements in order to be really meditating?
SUT: Don’t try to drop that desire! Recognize that there is desire, that’s enough. You just want to recognize what’s happening, you don’t want to get involved.
When you experience a desire and become aware of it, does it stay the same or does it become stronger?
Yogi: If it is strong to begin with, it gets stronger. I am often lost in it.
SUT: If desire arises because of a particular object, you should stop observing that object. It is not a Dhamma object; it is an object of desire. The object you need to watch in such a situation is desire itself. Watch the feeling that comes with the desire.
How should you watch desire? From what point of view?
Yogi: I guess I should try not to identify with it.
SUT: Yes. Remind yourself that desire is just a natural phenomenon. It is not your greed. This will create a little distance to it and allow you to observe it more objectively. Also try to watch the intensity of the desire—does it increase or decrease? If you can observe this, you could ask yourself why it decreases or increases.
WISDOM NEITHER LIKES NOR DISLIKES
Yogi: I am finding the heat unbearable these days.
SUT: So what do you do? Complain or meditate?
Yogi: It is too hot to meditate.
SUT: Whenever your mind complains, it is prime meditation time! When your mind is agitated, you need to look at your attitude and you need to examine your thinking. What is heat? It’s a natural phenomenon. That’s Right View. If you allow your mind to judge the heat as bad, it will always complain. It is therefore very important that you adjust your attitude first, that you change the way you look at the situation before you do anything about adjusting the environment.
After you have accepted the situation with right view, i.e. after you have reminded yourself that heat is just a natural phenomenon, you need to examine your mind. How does aversion feel? How intense is your dislike? If you watch the aversion with the right attitude, the right view, and the right thought, your feelings will calm down.
Yogi: So I should not try to focus on anything?
SUT: No, just be aware of the unpleasant feeling. Don’t judge what is happening, accept the situation.
Yogi: But if the heat gets too intense it might become dangerous to my health!
SUT: If your health is really threatened, you must of course do something to cool down. But make sure that this does not become an automatic reaction. Always try to accept the situation and look at your aversion before you do that.
The natural tendency of the mind is to indulge in what it likes and to avoid what it dislikes. Wisdom follows the middle way, wisdom neither likes nor dislikes. It just accepts the situation as it is and only does something about it if and when it is really necessary. If you want the mind to be peaceful, you need to cultivate more and more wisdom.
WATCHING MENTAL PROCESSES
Yogi: I am trying to understand what the mind is. Occasionally there seems to be a palpable, an almost physical feel to it but often it seems so elusive. Can you say something about the mind?
SUT: When we start watching the mind, it seems elusive because we are not used to observing it. But once we have some practice in watching the mind, it becomes more and more apparent. It feels more and more palpable—in a way just as if you were observing body sensations.
It is really important to recognize what is going on in the mind. Sometimes it is calm and happy, other times it is agitated and unhappy. By becoming clearly aware of these states and observing them we will—over time—learn why they arise. We see how our thoughts and ideas affect our emotions. We can see that our behaviour and our thinking are governed by ideas and values we blindly accepted, usually when we were young, and we also realize how much we are attached to them. Becoming aware of these ideas and values gives us a chance to bring in some wisdom which will allow us to re-evaluate them, to become less attached to them and, if necessary, to replace them with more useful ideas and values.
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Yogi: When the mind is in a positive state I intentionally ask myself questions like: “What is the cause of this state?” or: “What is the effect of this state?” Is it necessary to do this or not? I find it takes quite some effort to do it and it brings up agitation and restlessness.
SUT: Don’t ask questions if that makes you feel agitated. Just trying to understand intellectually is not real! That’s why continuity of awareness is so important. If you recognize all the minds that are happening and what the mind is doing and feeling, causes and effects will become obvious.
As long as you are interested in the process of watching, the mind will automatically investigate the relationship between cause and effect. If you are watching continuously, you will be aware of the state of mind before the good state comes into existence, and also observe how it fades away again. Watching this whole process, the mind will recognize the causes and effects.
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Yogi: What is the best way to watch the activities of the mind?
SUT: Don’t focus on any objects! Only if you don’t focus can you notice the mind. When you wear glasses but are not looking at anything, you will easily notice that the glasses are there. However, when you are looking at something, you will not notice the glasses. The nature of the mind is similar; it either focuses ‘outwards’ or—when it is not focusing—it very naturally retreats ‘inwards’. Only if you don’t focus outwards can the mind be aware of itself.
SEEING THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MIND AND OBJECT
Yogi: My awareness is good, I can see the various activities of the mind quite continuously throughout the day, but I am not clear whether I am aware of observing these things or whether I am just observing them. Let me give you an example: I was doing walking meditation and some confusion arose. When I became aware of observing confusion, the mind became very clear. It was very clear that there was the awareness of the observing.
SUT: That’s because the qualities of a confused mind and an observing mind are very different.
Yogi: Yes, exactly! That’s why it is so clear. But when the mind is calm and peaceful it is less clear that I am observing it.
SUT: But what is happening and the watching are very different, right?
Yogi: Yes, when there is a state of confusion or agitation they are very different.
SUT: So when you are trying to observe a clear and peaceful state of mind, is there a desire to want to see this state more clearly?
Yogi: Yes.
SUT: Don’t try to see it more clearly!
Yogi: Ok, that’s helpful.
SUT: If you can see the difference between the observing and the observed clearly in one state of mind, you will gradually become able to see it in any other states too. Clearly understanding the difference between the observing and the observed, between the mind and the object, is a kind of insight. You can ask yourself: “Which is the object, which is the mind?” But then you need to let the mind do its own work. Don’t expect answers! If there are expectations or any other kind of lobha, the mind gets confused.
Yogi: Yes, there are expectations!
SUT: For many yogis, not recognizing that some form of expectation has crept into the observing is their main problem. So always check the attitude before you do something. Don’t expect results! When the mind has no desire at all, everything is very clear. You don’t have to look very hard. Once the mind is moving in a wholesome direction, it will keep going and things will unfold naturally.
Yogi: Yes, I have been trying too hard.
SUT: Your effort always has to be balanced. You have to practise correctly, in a balanced way, continuously, and wisely.